Kingfisher: A Small Account of the Struggle (1)

The Formation:

Craig called me on my office phone and asked me how interested I would be in joining a band. He outlined for me how the idea came to him. He acquired for a very reasonable price a 16-track mixer with 2 large speakers, several mics, XLR cords, amp for the mixer, 1/4 inch guitar cords, mic stands, extension cords, lights and other things he did not know what to do with. While storing things at his sister’s house they decided to turn her spare room into a recording studio.

Craig phoned me because he knew me to be a musician. He gauged my interest and assured me my lack of band experience would not be a problem. He asked me if I wanted to be the bass player. I am a guitar player and had little experience playing bass, but Craig’s idea of forming a band intrigued me enough to attend the first band meeting.

We met at Tiffany’s house. Tiffany is Craig sister and recently moved back to Texas to be closer to her family. Craig wore a Hawaiian shirt and a goofy straw hat, even though it was September. We sat around the table waiting for the musicians to show up. While we waited, Tiffany passed out beers and dealt a deck of playing cards with naked men on the back of them. The naked men held their cocks in their hands and posed in an 80’s macho, smug sort of way. Many of the men had mustaches and some of them wore cowboy hats. None wore Hawaiian shirts with a goofy straw hat. Tiffany laughed at us because she could see how distracted and uncomfortable we were playing “hi/low” with this deck of cards.

After everyone showed up, Craig called the meeting to order and introduced the prospective members of the band to each other:

Tiffany: Singer. 34. Single and living with her dog Maverick. Background in theater. Charismatic singer with a strong voice and an outrageously fun personality. She loves football and playing hi/low. Never played in a band before. Can win anyone over with her smile and her positive energy.

Jay: Large guy. Blues guitar and singer/songwriter. Introverted, perverted, and talented guitar player. Unemployed screenwriter. Experienced working on B-Movies, low-budget indies, and porn. Plays on an old amp. Guitar named Albatross. Nasally voice. Spills beer on his shirt. Does not feel comfortable in crowds larger than five people, but will dominate a group less than five. He chews gum when he is on stage. Always wears black jeans and a black t-shirt. Has a brown tweed blazer when it is too cold for a t-shirt.

DW: Professional quality drummer playing in several bands. Wants to make money playing music and is good enough to do it. An attractive guy who took one look at this project and knew there was no chance. He did not take this opportunity seriously, but was polite to the group.

Hardy: Guitarist changed to bassist. Out of his league. Never played organized bass before and very little experience playing organized music.

Craig: Manager. Getting his business off the ground. Many irons in the fire. Motivated. The only one of us with a child. A serious love of music. Enjoys the technical side as well as the artistic.

We sat around the table discussing our goals, inspirations and skills. Occasionally the conversation would be broken up by Tiffany flipping over a card picturing a naked man holding his penis in a humorous pose.

#37 A Trip Down Memory Lane, Restaurant Style

I smelled someone cooking food in our office kitchen that smelled very much like the King Ranch Casserole served at the Great Charcoal Chicken in Houston, TX...the first restaurant I worked at. I immediately craved it and decided I would like to make it sometime soon. This got me thinking about all the restaurants I worked at, and inspired me to think of the one dish I would love to eat from each one.

The Great Charcoal Chicken: I already mentioned the King Ranch Casserole from Charcoal Chicken, but I would also like to have their lemon pepper chicken sandwich. I ate many of those the year I worked there, and I took that recipe with me to college, where I averaged 6 lemon pepper chicken sandwiches per week in my third year (2 sandwiches per meal, 3 meals a week).

Casa Ole: I do not have anything positive to say about Casa Ole, and have not eaten there since I quit my job many years ago. I honestly cannot think of anything there I liked eating. I ate fajitas mostly, but remember Dugat liking the Flameado, which made me sick the one time I tried it. They have decent green sauce.

Chili's: I have many things I like from Chili's, but there is definitely one meal that stands out. I love the Cajun Chicken Sandwich with a side of Blossum sauce. However, because of the fat content of their awesome blossum they were forced to discontinue the appetizer, which forced them to abandon the sauce. The sandwich is not the same without the sauce. So now I look to the Chicken Ranch Sandwich, which is almost as good. Plus, I cannot forget the El Presidente Margarita and the Texas Eggrolls.

Ninfa's (Waco): I worked more than 3 years at the Ninfa's in Waco, and thus have many meals I must mention. My most common meal, and the one I get when I visit Waco now is the Fajitas Ala Berry. This is one of the best meals ever. I have tried to recreate it and failed miserably. My second favorite meal at Ninfa's Waco is their Ribs (The Rico, I think). I get Ratones (Peppers stuffed with shrimp and cheese and deep fried) as an appetizer and get the full rack of ribs for my meal. Ninfa's is a Mexican food restaurant, but this particular one offers the best ribs I have ever had. Do not forget the margaritas. I would also get 2 sangria swirled frozen margaritas, and hope that Lisa was not walking around so I would not have to talk to her.

PF Chang's : My final restaurant is PF Chang's. I worked at the PF Chang's in Dallas for a month before beginning my marketing career at TSM Skyline. My go to meal here is easy. The restaurant is family style so I can order many things and share them with the table. I would get the lettuce wraps for an appetizer, of course. For my meal I would order Crispy Honey Shrimp, Kung Pao Scallops, Mongolian Beef and Vegeterian Lo Mein.

That all sounds so good right now, doesn't it? I would love to do any or all of these this weekend. Instead, I am going home and will eat a sandwich with a side salad.

#36 Johnny Wedding

L. and I went to Johnny's wedding this weekend. We sat on the groom's side of the aisle, and as the ceremony commenced my mind began to wander. I did not think of the things you might expect: Johnny eating more than 20 something hot dogs at our camping trip, the numerous times he passed out early at a party and had tortuous things photographed around him while he slept, Johnny spilling food all over himself, the time he put on a shirt his dog urinated on and when someone said "that shirt has pee all over it" he responded by saying, "I wondered what that smell was." I did not think of these things, nor did I wonder how he found a girl who would love him despite his drastic idiosyncracies.

Instead, I wondered how long we would have to be at the wedding. I do not care for most weddings. I like the idea of people being married, and I like a good party. I enjoy being there when I truly care for the people being united. But I do not like the churchesque proper quality that exist with most weddings. Especially when I do not really care about the bride and groom. And I am not impressed by the tired traditions involved in a wedding (cutting of the cake, first dance, the toasts). I like the bouquet toss, but only because it is funny to watch girls scramble around the dance floor.

I suppose my point is: people should only go to weddings that they want to go to. When there are people like me there (and there were many like that at this wedding) most of the time is spent sitting or standing around. No momentum or granduer builds up. I felt guilty going and not adding to the effect. Instead, my lack of enthusiasm took away from the experience for everyone.

I suppose the counter argument for this mentality is: The Wedding is not for the attendees. It is for the bride. The dumb guys who do not care to go need to suck it up and take one for the team...the team being the other guys, because eventually most of us will be married and we will need our wives to be happy at having a successful wedding.

All of this to say, I took one for the team this time. And I appreciate all of you who took one for my team.

#35 Guitar Nightmare

A veteran sales rep at the station learned on the day of my first interview that I play guitar and bass. Since my first day here, nearly 2 years ago, he has asked me every other week to play guitar with him and 6 friends. They get together and sit in a circle taking turns playing songs. The group ranges in talent level, 2 of the guys just now learning to play the guitar.

The idea sounds fine, and I am all for musicians jamming together when at all possible. However, the group of intstruments represented are as follows: 3 guitars, 2 of them inexperienced, 1 fiddle (he calls it a fiddle not a violin), 1 harmonica, 1 banjo. I am not interested in bluegrass, and we cannot play Tejano without an accordian. So, you can see why I have been conveniently busy each day they get together.

Yesterday this Sales Rep entered the station with one of our most consistent advertisers. He also spends a good deal of money with us. I was introduced to the man with my boss in the same room. The man responded with, "Is this the guy whose wife never let's him play guitar with us?" The sales rep answered in front of my boss, "Sure is."

Just for the record, my wife has nothing to do with me not playing guitar with the group.

Anyway, at the end of the meeting my boss said, "You should go play with them. He has been talking about it now for 2 years." I said, "I will have to see what the wife has scheduled, because I am pretty sure we have something going on that day."

#34 Possible Work Regret

I work with a small law firm in Tyler. I got them on the air for the first time in November. I helped him write and produce two commercials and placed them on my station with a heavy schedule, assuring him that his advertising campaign would be successful.

It was not. He received a couple of calls the first week, one turned into a client, but then he received no calls whatsoever. He pulled the final two weeks of his schedule off of the air because he did not feel comfortable spending money without the return.

I was not ready to give up on him. If we figure out how to make his ad dollars work for him, it would mean a long term client advertising with me. So I compiled an analysis of where his spots ran, how many ran, what the message of each spot was and compared them to other successful lawyers advertising on TV. Through my analysis, which I ran by my sales manager, I determined that we did not focus the dollars on the right times throughout the day.

I just left his office an hour ago where me and my sales manager convinced him to give us three months to prove our station and our plan will work.

This is the part of the job I am afraid of. I spend time selling potential clients on: Me, The Power of Television, The Power of KLTV. And I believe in them all. However, what happens to the clients who believe in me and I let them down? I work hard for them and am willing to do what I need to ensure success. If the next three months do not work for this lawyer (in a down economy) he may be in serious trouble.

And at least some of the blame falls on my shoulders. That is a tough pill for me to swallow.

Here's a Little SNACK for you!

For all of you who miss Hardy's family...here are "Da Men of Hardy's Family." Enjoy!

#33 Pacman

I do not want this to be a sports blog, but I have a couple of thoughts on the cutting of Pacman Jones. He played in 9 games and shared the team lead with Newman for pass deflections. To me that says he has potential to be a shut down corner. Much better than Michael Jenkins, anyway. Sure, he was no good at Punt Returns and he has off the field issues, but that is part of having a superstar on your team. You must deal with the problems that come with a diva.

This is what I think: Wade Phillips has been criticized (fairly in my opinion) for being too soft on the team. He claimed, in an attempt to keep his job, that things are going to be different next year. He claims he is going to be tough on players. And then a day later he cuts the first person he sees as a problem...Pacman. If he were a good coach, he would say, "Pacman has some problems, but I am going to Coach that World Class talent. I am not going to run away from it! I am going to make him be a responsible player who contributes regularly for the Dallas Cowboys!"

But no, he does the easy thing. This situation reminds of me of a junior high kid who gets grounded for not doing his chores. Daddy takes away the video games and the kid suddenly claims things will be different. The kid takes the garbage out to the curb and says, see, things will be different, I can do my chores! If that kid really wanted his video games back, he would have turned that garbage into something useful.

That's my point...

#32 Sleep Disorder

Last night I could not fall asleep. I made the painful decision to get out of bed, hoping that a change of scenery would encourage drowsiness. I searched all 700 channels at my disposal and was forced to decide between: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Robert Downey Jr. Movie), Asteroid Disaster: The Earth's First Apocalpse, Sportscenter Reruns, Law & Order. Late at night I try and stay away from movies for fear of getting hooked and prolonging my insomnia. Sportscenter is always a good choice, and usually what I start with. After the basketball scores, however, I was caught up and not at all interested in College Football. I gave the Asteroid Disaster show a chance. The idea has merit, but the execution annoyed me. A geeky scientist yelled at me about the global ramifications of a 2 kilometer wide asteroid striking the earth's surface. He acted like it is a new idea, and it is not. The little kid in Jurassic Park 1 was the first to bring it to my attention, so after that it is simply redundant.


Finally I chose Law & Order. Law & Order is one of the best shows ever. The show began 12 years ago, or something like that, and remains interesting and relevant. And it is addictive. I stray from my original story...


I transformed the couch into a bed by taking off the pillows and wrapping myself in a blanket Burrito-style. My house has one huge problem for insomniacs. I live with an insane cat that, in his opinion, never gets enough love. The cat jumped on the couch and rubbed his face on my face. My arms being pinned within my burrito blanket, I was helpless. I turned my face and tried bucking him off. Finally I dislodged one arm and swiped him to the ground.


He returned with vigor, as I knew he would. My arm was still out and I swiped him down again. This happened four or five times, each time my swipe hardened, until I almost threw him into the TV. He shook his head and ran off.

I finished the episode, turned the TV off and vowed I would finally sleep. The cat jumped on the couch. I did not buck this time. I withdrew my arm from the burrito and swiped him off. He jumped back on. I decided that 3rd grade engineering was necessary to thwart his onslaught. I covered my face with the blanket and using two pillows propped it up in such a way that I was able to breathe fresh air without sacrificing protection from the cat.

There were two problems with the engineering of my fortress. 1) I did not have much room to move. 2) The cat curled up on my face to fall asleep. I pushed him off but he managed to wedge himself uncomfortably between the back of my head and the couch.

This turned out to be a long story with a simple message: I did not sleep well last night.

#31 Drooling Grimace Face

I learned something new the other day. Not sure how true it is, but seems plausible. I learned that how you sleep (physically...as in what position you sleep in) affects how well you age (physical appearance...as in how you look in your 30's, 40's 50's). Meaning: if you sleep on your stomach where your face is mashed sideways into your pillow causing 8 hours of drooling grimace face to be etched into your skin, there is a better chance of those lines becoming more and more permanent as you get older. This would explain how come the bitter beer face guy has so many lines and wrinkles in his face.

I sleep on my stomach, and I am pretty sure my face is pressed into my pillow drooling grimace style. So, I tried falling asleep on my back, with my face relaxed and smoothed as much as possible.

Not sure that it is working because I always wake up with my face mashed into my pillow. All of this to say that I am slightly concerned that I will turn into the bitter beer face guy, and I don't like it.

#30 A Date Update

Friday night L. and I accompanied Stephen and Krystal to an Italian food restaurant in Tyler called Fiore. I am sorry to report that nothing interesting or humorous occurred during the evening. We ate pasta and talked about work, movies, food, family, and all manner of other things people talk about while eating a meal. Stephen played it cool, which was smart for a first meeting. And at the end of the night he set himself up nicely for a second date...this time alone. When I know more, you will know more.

# 29 A Date

One thing married life affords me (thank god) is the fact I no longer have to date. Instead of working up the courage to ask a girl out and then trying to impressive her with my creative, seductive charm, I now only have to accompany friends and family on double dates...where I get to watch them impress girls with their creative and seductive charm. So far, my resume consists only of Britt putting the moves on a local reporter here by the name of Danielle, not to mention a couple of years back hooking him up with a young girl from the ad agency I worked at. I think I also set him up on a date with the lead singer of the band I played in. Not sure if anyone knew Tiffany had gone out with him, but she did. None of the experiences went well for him, though I got drunk and had fun all three nights.

Well, I am going on another date tomorrow night and am excited about it. My brother, Stephen, moved to Tyler and is going to meet a young woman who works at the station. I will watch closely as he molds typical conversation into humorous anecdotes, or perhaps executes a well timed wink, point and smile. I am going to sit back and drink whiskey drinks, occasionally making note of a particular gesture or phrase so that later I can say to L., "Remember when Stephen did that!"

So, everyone needs to wish Stephen luck. Not only must he meet this girl for the first time and hope to impress her, he must do these things with his goofy, inebriated, older brother watching him.

# 28 Tyler Obama Love

Here are a couple of the ridiculous things I have heard from people in Tyler recently concerning the President Elect:

* Hide your guns!
* He is going to change the American Flag and the National Anthem.
* He wants to turn our country into a socialist regime where everyone is equal, even if they are too lazy to work for themselves.
* Our terrorist enemies are going to see that he is weak and will thus attack our country within a year.

Obviously these claims are ridiculous and it is impossible to argue with people who cannot see how crazy these statements are. Politics are complex and confusing, and sometimes it is difficult to make sense of all the information fired at us. I also accept the fact that democrats are guilty of ridiculous comments too (Whoopi arguing with McCain that he is pro-slavery because he is a constitutionalist), but here in Tyler I do not hear those, so do not have examples to mention here.

At lunch on Monday three people at our table complained that Obama plans to address all of America's problems and by so doing will spread his efforts too thin to do any good. Essentially their complaint was that he wants to do too much good for our country, and he is not yet in office. I told them to give the man a chance before condemning his efforts. They froze and one of them said, "Oh my God! Did you vote for Obama?!"

The entire table (14 people) stopped talking and looked at me. I explained that the odds were unfair for a political discussion, but that I did in fact vote for Obama. So many people at the table started yelling at me from different angles that I could not defend myself. I took it all in and wondered how so many people could be so against something that would help them. The people yelling at me, except 1, make less than $50,000 a year and have chilren. They would benefit from tax breaks to the middle class and their children would benefit from new schools and hospitals. Yet they claimed that all of their money was going to be taken from them and given to bums too lazy to work for themselves.

I explained that Obama is not in favor of increasing taxes so that he can give free money to bums. They shook their heads and told me that is what socialism is: taking money from the hard working people and giving it to the lazy people. I told them that Obama is not in favor of socialism and they laughed at me. They called me brainwashed by the Democratic machine.

Only 1 person at the table made sense. He was the one who makes 6 figures. He said, "Hardy, one of these days you are going to be making a lot of money and you will not want the government to tax you extra."

This is at the heart of all the issues. People who make a lot of money do not want anymore taxed from them. I get that. But there are changes that need to be made. The longer things are ignored or kept at status quo, the more difficult it will be to fix them. And no matter how many problems we have, I would rather our president hope to fix them all and run the risk of spreading his efforts too thin, than have a president who does not attempt at all.

Sorry for the rant, even though this one is pretty harmless.

My husband's true love

# 27 The Coolest Superhero

Dorky people argue endlessly about which of the many superheroes is the coolest. Superman can fly, but is rendered completely useless by kryptonite, which seems to be readily available. Spiderman can shoot cool webs but has been lamely protrayed by Tobey Maguire. The Wolverine is cool and tough, but he must feel intense pain each time his claws come out. There are many superheroes to choose from and just as many arguements supporting or declining their respective rights to that coveted "Coolest Superhero" award.

I have the answer. I know who the coolest superhero is, and I have undeniable proof. Last Friday was Halloween and we prepared by purchasing much candy to give out. We parked in a straight line so that children would have easy access to our front door. We turned on our porch light and opened all our blinds. We dressed in our costumes and put Polly in the backyard. Ultimately...we waited.

No trick-or-treaters came to our house. We checked every few minutes for kids walking down the street. We paced around our front door munching on Reece's Peanut Butter cups and Twixs. We walked out to the street to see if we mught expect any kids eventually. Finally we put on a scary movie all but giving up hope that children would visit our house for candy.

And then the doorbell rang. L. jumped from the couch and adjusted her ladybug wings. I grabbed the dog. She grabbed the bowl of candy and opened the front door to find Batman standing on our front porch. Batman said, "Trick or Treat", holding out an orange pumpkin container.

Batman was the only superhero and only trick-or-treater who cared enough to visit our home for Halloween, and has thus been crowned "The Coolest Superhero".

#26 A Gamble

I walked into the office bathroom to take care of some business and noticed the roll of toilet paper to be considerably thin. I glanced around for backup rolls and discovered there to be none. I eyed the roll more closely, gauging whether or not there was enough TP for me to make a commitment, or if I needed to walk to the upstairs bathroom. I decided quickly there was enough and locked the door behind me.

I sat down and started reading my Cowboy's article (discussing whether or not to bench Johnson). The meager roll of TP caught my attention and I started second guessing my decision to commit to this bathroom. I realized what I had done. I had decided to gamble. On one side things would go smooth and I could leave the bathroom unscarred, leaving the problem of no TP for the next person to deal with. On the other side, however, I could have put myself into a world of hurt.

Imagine, what if there was not enough TP. I would have been forced to do something no man should ever do:

1) Use my hand, washing after every wipe. That would have caused me to throw up and every hand I shook afterward would have been mean and unforgiving.

2) Use the cheap paper towels. This would have been no bueno para me culo.

3) Knock on the wall and ask Jai (the girl who can hear everything in the bathroom) if she can get some TP and throw it to me. This would have been embarassing and I am not sure I know anyone at the station well enough to call for TP.

4) After the last sheet of paper, regardless of how clean I was, I pull up my pants and drive home to take a shower and change my clothes.

The whole point of this story is to ask why would I put myself in that situation? I could just as easily walked to the upstairs bathroom. Why make this sort of gamble? Gambling money is one thing. Gambling sanity, embarassment and disgust...that is something else.

#25 Auto Presentation

During these rough economic times we, as TV Account Executives at KLTV, have been given categories for which we must become experts. Our goal is to learn as much as possible about a particular business so that we can present to the team tips on closing similar businesses. We are also supposed to make ourselves available to accompany other execs on pitches within our realm of expertise. I am an expert in 2 categories(so they tell me), Automotive Repair & Plumbing.

I delivered my presentation on Automotive Repair last week. As I learned in high school speech, it is good to begin a presentation with an attention getter. Considering myself a humorous and witty individual, I usually choose a joke of some kind. Now, I stay away from silly riddles or dirty jokes. Instead, I use subtle humor that is often missed by individuals not interested in paying attention to a presentation.

For my Automotive Repair presentation I began by saying a line similar to, "The automotive repair industry is complex due to the increasing technology used to design and build today's cars. So, I have decided to start with the engine." I clicked my power point presentation to slide number 2 where I had a diagram of an engine. The diagram explained the basic physics of internal combustion. I continued my presentation, "The gasoline travels into this chamber here, where it mixes with oxygen. As the spark plug fires a great deal of pressure is released..."

At this point in the presentation I looked up, expecting to see the pleasant expressions of our execs who understood my fake presentation into the mechanics of an automobile. However, this is not what I saw. Instead, I saw: My bosses confused face. Three execs not even paying attention. One exec with a smile and an understanding nod. And a couple of others from our support staff reluctantly waiting for more information on the pistons causing the drive shaft to spin. I said, "Just kidding," and mumbled something about that being my attention getter before starting on my marketing presentation.

The attention getter was a complete failure and did nothing but make me look dumb. The presentation was a good one, and afterward my boss said, "That was extremely informative. I liked it all, except for the crap at the beginning."

Incidentally, our presentations are forwarded to our VP of Regional Marketing, who used to be the GM of our station. He presents it to all the other sales teams within our corporate umbrella (in this case something like 53 stations). I did not know this happened until he came in my office and said, "Your presentation was very good. Except I did not understand the slide with the engine on it. Can you explain to me what that was?"

This failure reminds me of a class I took at Baylor on Robert Browning. Our professor centered our grades on 2 presentations we gave throughout the semester. One of those presentations I gave with Chris. Using my high school speech once again, Chris and I put together a small skit which was to be used as our attention getter. I cannot remember the specifics of the skit, but I remember one guy in our class getting the subtle humor and laughing. His name is Cliff and he has a high pitched laugh. Everyone else just ignored it, forcing me to mumble, "that was our attention getter..."

Anyway, now I am wondering what sort of attention getter I will prepare for my Plumber Presentation.

#24 Sicko

L. and I watched Sicko last night. I know many of you do not like Michael Moore because he is overly anti-republican and can be somewhat of an ass. And I know you guys are skeptical of documentaries in general because the filmmaker has the ability to tailor the facts to fit an agenda. However, Sicko is worth watching. It may not be 100% accurate about everything, but it certainly brings up some interesting points and follows a couple of compeling stories. The documentary opened my eyes and forced me to think about aspects of our system of life that I had not done before.

Afterward, be careful about bringing it up to me because it is possible that I talk your ear off. So watch it and think to yourself, unless you feel like hearing me on my soapbox. If that is the case, just tell me you disagree with our country's need for some form of universal medicine.

On another note, it has been awhile since I have done a superstar showdown. I have an important one for you this week. I want to know which of the two 80's swimsuuit models had more influence on you when you were growing up. This is a tough matchup because there really is no wrong answer.

We have Kathy Ireland v. Elle MacPherson



Versus



I have thought about this matchup for the last couple of weeks without being able to make a firm decision. I just like both of these girls so much and both had much influence on my growth as a young person, that I cannot bear to call one of them a loser. But since the rules of the Superstar Showdown require that I choose, I must choose Kathy Ireland.

Her many appearances on the cover of Sports Illustrated solidified in my mind the superior beauty of women, and caused me to thank god many times for being a boy. She single handedly made sure that my subscription to SI was annually renewed. And I credit her for my love of bikinis, because I am pretty sure it is because of her I like to see L. in a bathing suit even to this day.

And Elle, even though you lost, I will leave you with one positive note. Of all the swimsuit models of the 80's, you wore the topless bikini the best, and I will never forget you for that.

#23 Domesticated Man

I realized last night that I have been domesticated. At one point in my life the little things in life did not matter too much to me. As long as I had a bottle of whiskey, a TV, a soft pillow and toilet paper, I could survive anywhere. This is no longer the case. I have become a domesticated man. Here are a few of the products I have in my house that I can no longer live without. Please post any I may have forgotten, or do not know about, as I would be happy to buy more crap for my house.

* Electrosal Powerball- This chalky cube of chemicals works magic in the dishwasher. Much better than normal or even liquid dish soap. If you have not tried it, go buy it. The gel pouch is even better!

* Lysol wraps- I use these cleansing moist towelettes for everything: the kitchen counter, the oven top, the bar, our TV trays, cat vomit, cat shit smeared on the walls (yes this happens...and you wonder why I want to get rid of them), wine droplets on the tile floor. Everything.

* Magic Sizing- This can of spray is used to iron shape into your clothes. Not as strong or as chemical as Starch, but works well on wrinkled clothes.

* Bath and Body Works Hand Soap- I love this stuff. I wash my hands and suddenly feel like I have been transported into the lushest fields of moonlight dafodils...or something like that.

* Scented Baby Powder- I won't say what I use this for, but trust me, it works. And I no longer need Corn Starch!

#22 Movie Quote Game

The station held a sales retreat Friday lasting all day. On Thursday at 4:45 my boss asked that I come up with a game using movie quotes (I have a dry erase board in my office where I post movie quotes for people to guess. As a result I have developed the reputation for being a movie quote guy... aka loser).

L. and I spent a good amount of time organizing the quotes and writing them on a giant pad. L. was extremely helpful in this process. A couple of times I got stuck on what lines to use. We ended up watching about 40 minutes of Pulp Fiction and about an hour of Dumb and Dumber.

The format of the game is easy. I have three quotes per film ranging from obscure to obvious. I reveal the quotes one at a time. I got the GM of the station (the big dog) to do his best impressions of each quote as I revealed them and people could guess the movie at any time. Here are some funny tidbits.

* The GM of the station/Quote Reader had not seen Dumb and Dumber. The quote was, "Big Gulps, huh? All right. Well, see you later." Jim Carrey says this outside a quicky mart in a dorky sounding voice. Our GM read the thing in a brooklyn tough guy accent, thinking it was a gangster movie. No one could guess the movie.

* The sweetest woman working for the station remarked after the third movie, "I don't understand this game." I explained it to her again. She said, "well, I don't watch any movies, so I guess I can't win, can I?" I shrugged and said I included a movie she would definitely get (The movie was the Wizard of Oz). She smiled and said, "Okay." The next movie quote to be revealed was, "Well, actually a pretty nice little Saturday. We're gonna go to Home Depot. Buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring stuff..." The sweetest woman jumped from her chair and screamed, "Old School!" She was very excited.

* Another woman announced that she did not like this game. She said, "Who remembers the crappy lines from crappy movies, anyway?" Everyone looked at me and I raised my hand. She said, "I'm not trying to be rude, but this game is dumb." Three quotes later she got Wizard of Oz and announced that she liked the game, she just needed to understand the point better.