#219 Confidence and Writing

Life isn't easy.  Or as Wesley says in The Princess Bride, "Life is pain, Highness.  Anyone who says differently is selling something."  Circumstances in life can change quickly and can, and often do, affect a person's confidence.  As with most things, writing suffers greatly when a person's confidence is low.  So what are writers supposed to do when life happens?  Stop writing?

I've been struggling through my personal life these last few months and have seen how much it's affected my writing.  It's harder to motivate myself.  It's harder to concentrate.  I can't sustain as many hours writing at a time.  I get restless or distracted.  I actually have less I want to say.  And when I do hone in on something, I have trouble finding the right words.  All of these issues are devastating for writers.  But what's even more devastating, is when a writer stops writing.

I've been paying attention to my own struggle.  I've thought about how to regain confidence and how to get back into writing.  I can't say I've learned a magical secret.  There's no quick and easy solution to address something as complex as self-confidence.  Life will always be life.  But following are some things I've done to help get me back at my desk, because I still have stories to tell.

• Really, the only true way to address the problems in life, is to identify the specific problem that's plaguing you and tackle it head on.  If you are stressed about bills, that stress won't go away until you figure out how to pay those bills.  Or if you're having trouble concentrating because you're hungover too much, then you must address the drinking.  Or if you hate editing, and you've just finished your first draft, which is sitting on your coffee table mocking you.  Then, you must pick that manuscript up and start editing it.  There are thousands of stresses in life, and some of them you can affect by changing behavior.  So the first step is identifying what is causing the stress, or the loss of confidence.  Hopefully you'll find it's something YOUR behavior can change.  Once you identify it, change it.
• If you learn that your stress is not something you can change easily, or you're unable to understand why your confidence has suffered.  Or maybe you've had trouble with confidence for so long that there isn't one underlying cause that can be addressed.  This situation is much tougher, and it happens to be the situation in which I currently find myself.  So what do we do? Here are my thoughts:
• Take It One Day At A Time:  This is one of the biggest cliches in the world.  But it's important to remember when your confidence is low.  Don't take in the big picture.  Don't think about a lifetime spent alone, or how much it's gonna cost to repair your roof or how your child isn't coordinated enough to play your favorite sport like you'd always dreamed.  Don't think about all the bills you have to pay, plus the yard work and house work that need to eventually get done.  Don't stress over the 1000 page novel you've started writing, but you're only on page 37.  Just think about today.  What can I do today?  Make a list and pick one thing to do. That's it.  Nothing more.
• Write Something:  Everyday you must write something.  Anything.  Start a journal that works through the problems you're facing.  Write a short story about a beaver born with no front teeth, and the other beavers just laugh.  Write a blogpost on how much you like puppy videos, and list out your favorite ones.  Write a poem.  Sometimes when I'm having trouble and can't concentrate enough to do any of that, I'll open up a book written by one of the masters and just type it out.  There's something about transcribing the work of a master that helps the neurons in the brain start firing.
• Eat Regularly:  I know this sounds like a no-brainer, but when your confidence is down, changes in your eating patterns can affect your body's ability to stabilize.  I know that sometimes you don't feel like eating, or you don't feel like making food.  But it's important to figure this out.  No matter how annoying it is, just do it.  Eat at the same time every day.  Feed your body and your mind, and that will make a big difference.  This is also a great opportunity to change your diet.  If you don't feel like eating, but you're going to force yourself anyway, might as well force yourself to eat something healthy.  I've been cooking 4 chicken thighs in the oven and then will eat one for lunch everyday.  I break the chicken off the bone and put it on a salad, make a sandwich out of it, turn it into a BBQ chicken taco, or I'll eat it straight out of the oven with ranch-style beans and mac and cheese, which is one of the comfort meals I ate growing up, so it always cheers me up.  Figure out what works for you, and eat at the same time everyday.
• Take Walks:  This has helped me tremendously.  Over the last few months, I've not been able to sit at my desk as long as usual.  I found myself pacing around my house, turning on the TV, or worst yet, taking a nap.  TV and naps are the worst if you're dealing with confidence and motivation.  Don't do them.  The lack of production and stimulation drives you further into depression.  So I take walks.  Sometimes I walk so far away from my house that I get lost.  Sometimes I take my dog for a leisurely stroll around the park.  Sometimes I run.  The physical activity is good for the brain and is good for the heart.  We should be doing it anyway, but it helps when you're having problems with confidence especially.
• Schedule Things With Friends:  This has helped me more than I thought it would.  At first, I didn't feel like getting out or having to talk with friends.  But I learned that just having something on the schedule organizes the day in such a way that writing just happens.  So, if I know I have lunch with a friend, I don't mope in the mornings as much.  I feel like I have something coming up, so I must get some writing done before I go.  Or if I scheduled soccer with the guys that play in the park, I make sure my writing's done so that I won't be late.  Schedule anything.  Drinks.  A trip to the bookstore.  Watching your friend's kid play basketball.  Get out of the house, and do it consistently, and you'll see how it changes things for you in a positive way.

Life is a marathon.  So is writing.  There will be hiccups along the way.  The trick is to keep moving forward.  I'm still not done struggling and probably won't be for awhile.  But I have begun writing again.  In fact, my newest installment in the Exchange Day series will be to my editor within the next couple of weeks.  That's huge.  The things above have helped me work hard on it, and getting through the steps in my writing process has also increased my confidence.  I'm not where I need to be, but I'm getting words on the page.  And that's all us writers need to keep doing.