#127 Jay Roth - In Memormium

Jay Roth (brother to Joe and Johnny, and Uncle to Stephen and I),  passed away last night due to complications brought on by liver failure.  I knew Jay less than most within the family, but I would like to share the memories I have of him and his family:

• Playing football in the icy front yard in Pampa, TX.  Jay played all time QB, and I am pretty sure he had more fun than any of us kids.
• Eating quail that he and Kris shot.  They put my portion on the plate and when I lifted it up several tiny beads started rolling out of the meat.  I was very confused.  I asked why there were metal pebbles in my food and he said that was what they shot the bird with. 
• Looking through boxes of old baseball cards ranging from late 50's through the 60's.  The baseball card collection was a source of several arguments between all the sons and grandsons.  Strange to think how important those cards were at one point in time.
• Three-wheeling at the lakehouse in Pampa.  They had 2 large three-wheelers (250's) and they could go as fast as 20-25 MPH, which is insanely fast when you are a 10-year old. 
• Setting off fireworks during the fourth of July.  Jay always bought the best fireworks because he wanted to make sure each experience was memorable.  
• Talking about Fred McGriff with Jay and Johnny.  Stephen and I got so tickled by Fred McGriff's name that it became our summer battle cry.  
• Skiing with Jay and his family in Colorado and New Mexico.  On my first trip, the chair lift hit me in the back of the head at the top of the mountain.  I had to ride a sled all they way down.  The doctor at the resort told the family not to let me fall asleep for the next couple of hours.  I remember laying in the back of Jay's suburban with him talking to me in order to keep me up.  
• Working at the Batter Up for a couple of weeks during the summer.  I visited Farmington, NM where we worked the cashier of the family owned batting cages.  When times were slow we would try to hit balls thrown at us at 60mph.  The first time I made a connection, the ball knocked the bat out of my hand.  Afterward, I stuck with 50 mph and below.  
• Going to the Texans game during their inaugural season in 2002.  We talked about their number 1 pick of the supplemental draft, Tony Boselli.  We had high hopes for the Texans, that are just now being realized.

Jay lived life to the fullest, which is not always easy to do.  He had strong opinions and a loud voice, but most of all he looked to have fun.  He will be missed!

#126 Steamboat Springs - Princess Edition

In high school I played soccer year around.  My club team dedicated the spring to tournaments, where we traveled to Austin, Dallas and even Colorado to play teams from across the country.  Side note: I was one of the stronger players on my high school team and we lost pretty much every game every season.  On my club team I was one of the weaker players and we won several tournaments and played consistently well no matter where we were.  Hm.

Our team qualified for the opportunity to play in a national tournament in Colorado one year, and our coach thought it best to take a bus out there as a team and spend a week in Steamboat Springs so that we could acclimate to the thin air.  The bus ride was more than 40 hours long and this was before DVD and VCRs on buses, so we were forced to entertain ourselves the old fashioned way, lots of hangman and spades.  And once it got dark, we were forced to sleep beneath the seats on the ground while the driver pumped hours of Kenny G through the bus speakers.  But it was great, because we were on our way to play in a national tournament and we got new uniforms, plus the entire team had matching bags and everything.

Steamboat Springs is beautiful in the summer.  The first couple of days we practiced and ran a bunch.  One afternoon a group of us ate lunch together at a local restaurant.  The soccer tournament brought people from around the country, and it was at this restaurant we met a family from Arizona.  Here is how the discussion played out:

Man:  Hey there!  Where are you guys from?

My Mom:  We're from Houston, Texas.

Man:  Houston?  That's funny, we were just in Houston.  What part of town do you live in?

My Mom:  We live in Spring Branch, which is just west of the city.

Man:  Whoa!  Spring Branch?  That's I-10 near Voss, right?  That's where we just were visiting some friends.

My Mom:  What a small world!  Yup, we live in a neighborhood right off of Voss and I-10.  I wouldn't be surprised if you were within a couple of blocks of our house.  How funny!

Man:  Let me tell you, I saw the funniest thing in a neighborhood over there.  We took a walk one evening and we saw this house with a dog on the roof.  I'm not kidding!  This little grey dog was running all over the roof of this house barking at us as we walked by.

Hardy:  PRINCESS!!!

Man: What?!

Hardy:  That's my friend's house!  His dog's named Princess and she is always on the roof barking at people!

This is one of my favorite stories.  Princess was somewhat scraggly, but she will always hold a special place in my heart as the little grey dog on the roof.  

Side Story: One night in high school Chris and I got drunk on beer and NHL 93 and when we snuck out later that night to smoke a cigarette it started to rain.  We huddled up against the house on his second story balcony, where we saw Princess wet and shivering.  Like caring, drunk teenagers we spent the next hour in the rain telling the dog how much we loved her.  

#125 Not So Particular

I want to follow up my previous post with things one might think I am particular about, but in fact I am not particular about.  I spent some time thinking about it, hoping to come up with a worthy list I could share.  For some reason, not much is coming to mind, which makes me think I am more particular than I originally thought.  Oh well.  Here is what I came up with:

• Soccer cleats.  Played soccer for awhile now and one might think I would have figured out what boots I like and would be loyal to a brand and/or a particular shoe.  I used to be.  I used to only buy Copa Mundials.  Not anymore.  Now I buy whatever looks cool.  And by looks cool I mean whatever I see on my favorite players.  Right now I have light blue Addidas I saw on Cazorla, who is a midfielder on Arsenal.  The little boy inside my heart dreams on!

• Recording music.  Music is important to me and I spend a considerable amount of my free time playing and/or recording music.  I have the tools, and at various points in my life I have the time, to make sure my recordings are top quality and without mistakes.  But it does not work out that way.  For some reason I only get the song recorded well enough so that I can teach someone to play it...with the hope of one day playing with musicians who are better than me and who can really bring skill and quality to the music I wrote.  I should care more, but I don't.  And oftentimes my recordings suffer as a result.  Maybe this is why I am not a professional musician.

• Car I drive. I drive a Scion TC.  It is your basic 2-door car.  I have had it since 2007 and would happily drive it until it becomes more expensive to repair than the vehicle is worth.  I have never been too particular about the car I drove.  Of course, I've not really had to experience a true POS before either.  I drove a car without a working air conditioner, the passenger window would not roll down and I had to replace oil in the engine every week or so.  I did not replace it until I was forced to.  I also drove a large truck that had a bad air conditioner and was too large for any Dallas parking garage, but did not replace it until I was forced to.  I think there are a lot of people like me in this area of life, though I know plenty of people who prefer leases because they guarantee (at the cost of a never-ending monthly payment) that they will never drive a car more than 3 years old.  

• Vacation destinations.  I like traveling, and it is something that L. and I devote serious time planning and executing.  We have been to several amazing places, and I know that we have more vacation destinations planned for the next couple of years.  Vacations are few and far between, so one might think that these destinations are of the utmost importance.  For me, they are not.  I look forward to all of them and am excited to visit anywhere.  This year we will visit vineyards in Oregon as well as Thailand and Cambodia.  Next year we are considering Germany, Vietnam and Africa.  It doesn't matter to me which place we choose.  I do not need to make a pros/cons list to figure out what destination ranks higher.  And if we decided next year to visit South Carolina instead, I would be completely fine with that and would look forward to the following year when we might visit Germany, Vietnam or Africa.  Maybe this is because to me the people I travel with are more important than the destination.  Or maybe this is because I know we will not choose South Carolina over Germany, Vietnam or Africa.  Either way, I am good with what happens because I know it will be worth my time.  

• Vinyls.  I have vigorously entered the world of the audiophile, now preferring vinyl records to CDs or MP3s.  I buy old records from a garage sale guy I know, and unlike most audiophiles, don't really care if it is in poor condition or if it is scratched.  The last time I visited the garage sale guy, he marveled at a mint condition Led Zeppelin IV he stumbled upon and wanted to sell it to me for $20.  I declined.  Instead, I took the much older, scratched version for $3.  If the vinyl is so scratched that it cannot be listened to, then I don't really like that.  But if it is one or two scratches throughout each side of the record, then that is totally fine.  Actually gives the record a little character. 

#124 Not So Laid Back

In general I am a laid back person who is more about the big picture than the details.  And for me the big picture eventually traces back to balance and happiness, as opposed to wealth and accomplishment. However, there are things in this world that I am quite particular over.  Almost to an irrational degree. Following is a small list of things I am painstakingly particular about:

• Dirty Dishes. I cannot handle dirty dishes in the sink.  I think this one makes me a great catch, as I have not met one girl who has this same issue.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Most girls I have met do not mind filling a dish with a little water and letting it sit in the sink for as long as a week or more, as if the little bit of water and drop of soap will magically make that dish clean itself.  For me, I do not get upset about it.  I understand that dishes are not fun to clean (even though I think it is fairly harmless to give a dish one solid wipe and place in the dishwasher instead of stacking them into a messy pile, but whatever).  The bottom line is I cannot handle it, so anytime there is a dish in the sink I stop what I am doing and I clean it.  Almost like the Leprechaun and his need to shine shoes.

• Macintosh.  I do not like spending more money than is necessary.  I consider myself to be money conscientious as it pertains to most things.  But not computers.  When we buy a computer for the house, we buy the expensive Mac.  We usually get the one with the bigger screen and the larger processor, too.  I have had a Mac since 2002 and will not go back.  In fact, the one I have from 2002 still works.  We had to upgrade because we wanted software that was no longer available for it.  

• Not feeding the dog from the table.  There are two reasons I am completely against feeding the dog from the table.  The first reason, but not necessarily the strongest reason, is for the dog's health.  Eating human food is not good for dogs, especially if they are smaller breeds and they eat too much on a consistent basis.  I am not appalled when she gets food that falls to the ground, but I try to keep her as healthy as I can.  Now the main reason I am against this is because I cannot handle begging/rooting around my feet like a psycho-rat.  It bothers me to such a degree that when she starts doing it I have to insist that she leave the room.  L. calls me mean, and she will sometimes eat with the dog in her lap, which I do not understand. 

• Drying laundry. I do not dry my shirts (including T-shirts) for longer than 6-7 minutes.  I dry them on low heat for a short period of time and then take them out of the dryer to hang over chairs and doors until they are completely dry.  I have not always done this.  When L. and I struggled to live month to month (which we did for several years just after college) I recognized my clothes shrinking, developing holes and/or fading much more quickly than I thought they should.  L. explained to me that using the dryer was tough on clothes (something most guys do not inherently know). It was at that time I started the process of figuring out how long to dry clothes so that they did not need to hang up longer than a day, but would help maximize their life expectancy.  Incidentally, I still have clothes I wear from early to mid 2000's because they are still in great condition.  

• Open windows or open front/back door.  There is something unsettling to me about an open window or an open front/back door.  I have a difficult time relaxing if there is fresh air blowing through the house.  I don't know if this is a practical thing (like worried about a cat getting out or bugs getting in) or if there is something else happening.  Either way, I do not care for it and will have to fight the urge to close the windows the 2 days a year it is nice enough to turn off the air conditioner and let the fresh air course through the house.  

• Showering before bed.  I have to shower before I can go to sleep.  I am not sure if this is something everyone does, but for some reason I feel like most people shower in the mornings.  I do not.  I MUST shower before bed, otherwise I cannot go to sleep because I do not feel right.  This is not bad to be particular about, but it does sometimes lead to multiple showers in a day.  For instance, a Saturday almost 2 months ago I got a hair cut after lunch and took a shower.  Then I played soccer in the evening and took a shower.  And then I drank lots of wine, stayed up late and then took a third shower before bed.  

• Pens.  I am particular about what pens I write with.  My favorite is the light blue Pilot Precise V5 with the Rolling Ball.  Strangely, I remember when I first bought this pen.  I purchased it from the Baylor Bookstore in 1998 and accidentally threw it away in a garbage can on my walk back to my apartment.  When I got home and realized it was gone, I was upset and bought it again.  Now I have a box of them handy at my house so that I never have to be upset about throwing my pen away again.

• Coasters.  Similar to dirty dishes, I do not like when a cup sits unbuffered upon our tables, nightstands or even our TV trays.  I am like a ruthless grandmother following people around the house with coasters hidden in every nook, just waiting for someone to put their drink down.  I don't know why I am like this.  We have some nice furniture, allowing for this behavior to be warranted.  But our nightstands, TV trays and other random pieces are very old and most likely purchased at Ikea or Target.  Still, they've lasted so long because grandma is watching.

• The Airport.  I'm not usually stressed, but going to the airport puts me on edge all the way up until I am sitting comfortably at the gate waiting to board the plane.  This means I like to leave for the airport early, making sure I am there in plenty of time.  However, L. (and my mother when I was growing up) prefers to arrive at the airport as the plane is preparing to shut its doors so that we have to run to our terminal and hope they are nice enough to let us on.  And I simply do not get this.  I hate the feeling that we are going to possibly miss our flight, especially when there are many factors that are completely unpredictable (checking luggage including the weight distribution game, the frisk center, our carry ons too big to fit under the seat in front).  Without fail, leaving for the airport ends in an argument.  I argue, "what is so wrong with giving us a 30 minute buffer so I don't have to be stressed?"  She argues, "We have plenty of time, why can't you just relax?"  

• Waiting for a haircut.  I won't wait for a haircut.  I am a patient person, but when it comes to the barbershop I will NOT wait.  This most recent haircut was three weeks overdue because the 2 times I drove by I saw people waiting.  I finally got in on Friday because I got off work early.  I stopped in and the woman pulled me up in their system.  She said, "It's been 7 weeks since you got a haircut?"  I nodded.  She said, "That's too long!  You should have been here at least 3 weeks ago."  If there had been one person sitting in the waiting area I would have left and it could have been 3 more weeks...

#123 License Color

Georgeo on Ticket RANTED this morning about lake safety.  Unfortunately, over the weekend North Texas experienced a handful of deaths due to drowning, the saddest being a 3 year-old who drowned at a crowded beach.  George listed off several ideas to address the issue, including mandatory driver's test for boat drivers, no alcohol on the lake and lake officials (people who police lakes) policing hot spots where young people hang out and/or connect boats together for purposes of fun instead of spending time checking for illegal fishing or life jacket inspection. 

I am not always good at arguing policy, so this may be little more than a ramble about a ramble.  I feel like forcing people to not bring alcohol on the lake for their own good is too similar to making people wearing helmets on their motorcycle.  If someone is irresponsible enough to refuse a helmet on their motorcycle, then they made the decision and must live with the consequences.  If someone wants to drink beer on the lake and they fall in and drown, they made their decision and must also live with the consequences.  Our society has too much need right now for protecting people from their own actions and I think it is more detrimental to our people than it is beneficial.  

To me, the real issues has to do with intelligence.  Here is my solution.  Every person should be required to take an IQ test that officially places them within an intelligence range that is communicated clearly on their license by the color of the background.  If you have an IQ over 150, you get a gold license.  120-150 you get green.  90-120 you get orange.  Below 90 you get red.  The color of your license determines what you can and can't do.  

Following is a sample of what these guidelines would look like:

Red:  With a red license your actions be limited to watching nascar, purchasing tools as long as they do not have blades, ride in cars, purchase lawn care equipment and work in retail

Orange:  With a yellow license you can enjoy all actions included with the red, as well as drive a car, work blue collar industry, purchase tools with blades, write your own blog, ride on boats, purchase only beer and malt beverages, and have 1-2 kids

Green: With a green license you can enjoy all actions of yellow as well as work within the white collar industry, adopt children, drive boats, purchase spirits, have 3+ children

Gold: With a gold license you can enjoy all actions of green as well as donate sperm, work as politician of Mayor and higher

This may not solve all our world's problems, but perhaps it is a step in the right direction...

#122 Restaurant Edition

I am the type of person who prefers finding a recipe, going to the grocery store and attempting to cook something new instead of going to a restaurant.  I am not sure why this is the case (perhaps because of my genetic cheapness I inherited from Kunio), but most of the time I will choose the work and preparation over the ease of going to a restaurant.  I am certainly not rigid in this, and go out to eat often enough.  One of the problems I face when going out to eat is choosing the restaurant.  While driving around or thumbing through local magazines I see tons of restaurants I would like to try.  However, when it comes time to actually choosing a restaurant, my mind goes blank except for the three restaurants within a block from my house.  Those restaurants include: Jakes, Freebirds and Royal Thai. I am sure others have this same problem, which is why I am going to start paying more attention to where I eat and occasionally including notes on my experiences so that I can share what I learn.  Welcome to my first Restaurant Edition.  Hopefully it will not be the last.

Royal Thai (5500 Greenville):  I know I mentioned this in my prologue as one of three restaurants I mention when asked about dining out.  Proximity is NOT the reason!  Royal Thai is one of my favorite all time restaurants.  The quality of the food has caused me to consider Thai as one of my favorite genres of food just behind Sushi and Pizza, and is responsible for our upcoming trip to Thailand in the fall.  The decor is formal, with cheesy statues and pictures decorating the dining room.  The servers are all cute, petite Asian girls dressed in red silk blouses and long black skirts.  The restaurant is located in the shopping center with World Market and PetsMart, unfortunately it is in the back and somewhat hard to locate.  When we first discovered it a few years ago I worried it would go out of business because it is in a poor location.  However, ordering curry (Massamon, spicy level 3)and vegetable fried rice (with extra Bok Choy) several times per month has helped keep them in business.  Though it is in a strange location, you MUST try this place.  And then try it again!

Canne Rosso (2612 Commerce):  This pizza and pasta place located in Deep Ellum has risen the ranks of Hardy's favorite restaurant list and is now among the top 3.  Not sure if they are proud of this honor or not, but regardless, they have it.  There are only 2 hassles with this place.  Parking and getting in.  Since it is located in Deep Ellum, the parking costs $5 and this is not valet.  Instead, you park yourself and swipe your credit card at a kiosk.  Once you park and get past the wait (or eat lunch at 11:20p) you will be happy with the rest of the experience.  I start off with the Mista (or Mistas?) which is a balsamic vinegar salad that is large enough to feed the table.  Plus, they give free refills (I think) so only order 1.  But order it, because it is delicious and it goes great spooned out on top of your pizza when it arrives.  Speaking of pizza, they do not have typical pizzas.  That is to say, they do not have pepperoni, hamburger and canadian bacon.  Instead they have several different pizzas that you must try and figure out which is the one you like best.  My first time couple of times I tried different pizzas, but the restaurant remained in my mind jumbled with all the other brick oven pizza places (fireside pies, grimmaldi's etc).  It was good, but nothing to write about on your blog.  Recently I discovered (Thanks Dez!) an off the menu pizza called the Honey Badger.  It is a strange pepperoni that is soaked in jalapeno infused honey.  And instead of red sauce, the honey is drizzled over the pizza.  Sound weird?  It is!  But it is freakin' delicious.  A great mix of sweet and spicy.  I love this pizza and will be eating it again tonight!  

The Grape (2808 Greenville):  When thinking about restaurants, the most stressful thing for me is deciding a place to take someone for a special occasion.  A nice, formal, fine dining restaurant.  The decision is always based on what someone told you or something you read.  The decision will always cost you in the $100-$150 range (which is just not cost-efficient when you could get a spicy ck sandwich from Wendy's for $4 and be just as happy).  I have been to 4-5 NICE restaurants in the past 6 months and by far the one I remember is The Grape.  It is a small place on Greenville with a classic bistro decor.  The menu changes so you cannot go there expecting to get the same options available to you every time.  Meals include: steak, duck, lamb, tuna, swordfish, halibut, scallops pork chops...all of which look delicious.  The two things I have had (a steak and a fish) were AMAZING.  The server helped pair wine for each occasion and the wine was delicious.  I am not big on frequenting fine dining establishments, but they certainly have their time and place.  If you find yourself needing to find one and are stressed out about it...consider The Grape.  

#121 I NEED a 4th of July

Georgeo from The Ticket described 4th of July as one his favorite holidays.  He LOVES fireworks and loves the idea of being outside with his family grilling food and celebrating Merrika!  My 4th of July outlook is much different.  And lame.  For me, the 4th of July is a long weekend and nothing more.  

In my 35 previous July 4th's I can only remember 1 of them.  It was a summer I spent in Pampa, TX where a group of kids (I cannot remember any of them) bought a bunch of black cats and M-60's and set them off outside another kids house in the middle of the night.  And by middle of the night, I mean middle of the night by kid's standards.  We stayed in a trailer where the kids had free reign to do whatever.  We snuck out, took the golf cart around to pick up our friends in the subdivision and then we ended up at our destination around 11pm.  We parked down the street and snuck up to the kid's double wide.  We each stood under a window in the front, counted to 3 and lit our black cats and M-60s.  We dropped them and ran behind cars in the driveway, where we snickered loudly at our master plan to scare our friend.

What we did not count on was our friend's dad.  The firecrackers went off, lasting about 25 seconds of ear busting explosions from all directions, and the dad stormed out of the trailer hollering how he was going to find us and kill us!  We were so scared that we instantly sprinted in all directions, leaving the golf cart parked down the street.  I ran toward the back of the trailer where it was much darker and easier to hide.  I could hear the dad chasing some of my friends, and eventually he caught one of them.  He carried him back to the double wide and for a minute I was horrified.  However, I learned a few moments later that he was only messing with us.  He thought our trick was funny and eventually invited us all to come inside to watch Nightmare On Elm Street 3.  

Incidentally, Nightmare on Elm Street 3 was the first horror movie I had ever seen.   It scared the crap out of me, and kept me from falling asleep cleanly for like the next 3 years.  

I tell all of this because I think it is time to find a 4th of July tradition that gets me excited about this holiday.  Not sure what that could be.  My brain may be tired from work, but the only things I can think aren't much better than the forgettable things I've done the last 35 years.  Any thoughts?  Anyone? 

#120 Not So Red Hot Chili Peppers

Q: Wanna know what's more boring than trying to grow your own chili peppers?  A: Hearing about someone else trying to grow their own peppers.

A couple of years ago I hand built rickety planter boxes within which I hoped to grow vegetables.  Over the years I have had some success with peppers, and not much else.  Last year I missed my opportunity to plant anything (due to laziness), but this year I planted chili peppers and tomatoes.  I take great care to water (but not over water) and make sure they are getting plenty of sun (but not too much sun).  Also, I sing to the plants as often as I can because I read somewhere that plants respond to music.  

Unfortunately, the tomatoes did not do well.  The leaves turned brown and crispy.  I watered to over-compensate for the ridiculous 100 degree heat we have had recently, and as a result, the fruit suffered from bottom rot.  Incidentally, I do not like the term bottom rot.  Reminds me too much of what I image happens if you fail to change a baby's diaper fast enough.  So I returned the tomatoes, feeling guilty at having failed the poor plants and perhaps caused them too much disease and anguish to survive.  

The chili peppers, on the other hand, are growing nicely.  Well, at least two of them are.   1 of the plants does not care for my singing, but you can't please everyone all the time.  Last week, however, they encountered a problem.  I discovered tiny bugs crawling all over them.  Almost like termite infestation.  I went to the store and learned that mites are common with gardens and that you have to spray for them.  So I did.  Then this weekend I discovered tiny worm-like larvae all over the plants.  The mite spray claims to work on other parasites as well, including worms and caterpillars.  So I sprayed them again.  Now I worry everyday that my pepper plants aren't going to make it.

Moral of this boring story:  I will be a shitty parent whose children may die of bottom rot and will most definitely be the ones forced to get lice treatment from their elementary school nurse, destined to be forever labeled as the gross kid covered in mites!   

#119 Pain In The Neck Too

We had "forced family fun" yesterday.  That is to say that our entire office took the afternoon off to go bowling.  I am a fan of promoting relationships within the office environment, and though I am not a huge bowler, I was looking forward to splitting our office into teams and having a bowling tournament on a Wednesday afternoon when we would normally be working.   

The tournament was fun, and my team won the entire thing (no thanks to me, who was the weakest bowler on the team).  However, there is one huge pain in the neck when it comes to a bowling tournament with coworkers.  That is the apparent importance of the witty, pun-tastic team name.  Our team sent probably 48 emails throughout most of Tuesday afternoon throwing out name after name, and we could never agree on anything.  And all the names were horrible, but they all seemed to think they were hilariously funny. Maybe I am a sour puss, or perhaps I just don't like puns.  Following are the names we considered:

Split Happens

Livin' on a Spare

XXX With Coworkers

Oh Spare Me!

Snakes On A Lane

Turkey Hunters

Strike A Pose

Minds In The Gutter

The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (This was my contribution)

and finally the winner:

Pin Killerz

#118 Pain In The Neck

At some point in the middle of the night I did whatever it is people do to earn a vicious pain in the neck.  Not sure if I slept on it wrong or if my head fell off the side of the bed, but today I must walk around with my neck and head unnaturally straight like I am wearing a neck brace.  Following are all the annoying things I noticed today while having a pain in the neck:

• Driving:  I think driving might be the worst.  On my drive to work I had a difficult time checking my blind spots, changing lanes, locating pedestrians in the parking garage and cat calling pretty girls jogging on the side of the road.  And more than once I forgot about my tender neck and simply turned to look in my blind spot, only to feel excruciating pain shoot through my neck and back.  Completely no bueno.
• Answering Co-Workers:  In advertising, the fad nowadays is to have a completely open work environment.  This means, no cubicles.  This means, large open room with tables and desks and we are all positioned out in the open with little storage space and little to no privacy.  This means at any given moment someone is calling your name from across the room because it is easier to do that than use the phone, or god forbid, walk all the way over to tell me something.  Several times today I had someone call my name and I instinctively turned in their direction, causing my face to wince in pain.  And my friendly co-workers have already given all the sympathy they have to give, so they are just annoyed with me at this point.  
• Sleeping:  Sleeping last night may have been worse than driving.  Once I realized the pain, it was hard for me to get comfortable.  I move around when I sleep, so there were several instances where I woke up from moving into an uncomfortable position.  And when the pain woke me up, I think I would jump/twitch slightly which caused the dog to wake up.  She would venture out from under the covers to see what was wrong, and would listen a few moments before burrowing back toward my feet.  Neither of us slept well.
• Peeing:  As a dude, I must look down in order to aim properly and minimize splash.  I have gone to the bathroom 3 times so far today and each time I have trouble looking down due to the pain in my neck.  It is an odd feeling simply unzipping and releasing without looking where I am aiming.   Feels liberating in a strange way.  But like most things that feel liberating, I am sure I am making a huge mess.  

And to make things worse, I sprained my big toe in a collision in yesterday's late night soccer game.  My toe is swollen and hurts when I put any pressure on my right foot.  So today I am hobbling around like a miserable old man, limping slightly and constantly grabbing for my neck in a futile attempt to lessen the pain.  I look like Quausimodo, or Gene Wilder's assistant in Young Frankenstein (is it Igor?).    Anyway, have I complained enough today?  Feel sorry for me yet?  Didn't think so.  

#117 Japanese Heritage

My father and youngest brother visited Dallas this last weekend.  Recently, Kunio has adopted a new workout routine that consists solely of walking around the neighborhood for 1 hour.  He sets his watch to ensure he does not short change himself.   With hour long walks scheduled for each day, we got lots of good talking time in.  

Among our many conversations, we discussed Japan and our Japanese Heritage.  David began the conversation by telling us about two lesbian friends who considered asking him for a sperm donation in order to take advantage of his Japanese genes.  Not sure what they were thinking...but whatever.  Due to my father's discomfort with lesbian talk, the conversation quickly changed to Japan and how Kunio is considering buying land over there and building a mission so that he can help spread the holy word to a country in need of christianity.  I will not be entering religion talk just now, as that would be a long and arduous post that I do not feel like messing with on a Monday.  However, I will spend a moment discussing the possibility of moving to Japan.

I would like to live a portion of my life overseas, and each international vacation I take, I  make a pros/cons list (rachel-style) for consideration on whether or not I could live in that country for an extended period of time.  Following is my list for Japan:

Pros:

• The People: The people are remarkable!  I know it is difficult to talk about an attitude or personality traits of an entire culture without making gross stereotypes, but there is an overwhelming sense of respect, politeness and consideration for others that you see on a grand scale in Japanese people that you do NOT see in Americans.  I tell this story a lot because it had such an effect on me, but one afternoon we walked around the geisha district in Kyoto.  The streets are narrow and the homes/buildings are close together, creating a maze of alleys and paths through this ancient looking Asian village.  Without warning, a storm hit.  L. and I crouched close to a building, hoping to stay as dry as possible until the rain let up enough for us to find a coffee shop or restaurant.  We stood against the wall for five minutes until a man ran through the rain from several houses down in order to bring us an umbrella.  He handed it to me, smiled, bowed and then quickly ran off back into the rain.  This does not happen in America, and it made me want to live in a place where people look out for each other.  If I had been in America, someone would have purposely swerved in our direction with the hope of spraying us down with curbside water.  
• Average Height: I would instantly go from being one of the shortest men in the room to being one of the average height men.  Perhaps even on the taller side of average.  I know this is not really that important, but it would make a huge difference when I go out looking for pickup basketball games.  
• Universal Healthcare: They have government healthcare, which means when you get sick or you hurt yourself, you go to the hospital and they take care of you.  The first time I went to Japan I had an allergic reaction to something I ate.  I broke out into a serious rash that covered my arms, legs and torso.  My uncle took me to the hospital where within an hour or so I saw a doctor, received medication and was taken home.  And I was a foriegner.  This leads me to believe that a government healthcare system could work, if it is done correctly.  
• Public Transportation:  The country has an excellent system of public transportation.  I would like to live in a country where you do not need a car.  The only downside I see to this is grocery shopping.  When you come home with groceries, you must carry them farther than would be convenient.  

Cons:

• Expensive: It is expensive to live in Japan.  Rent is insanely expensive.  And I mean insanely expensive.  We know someone living in a 2 room efficiency apartment that was the size of our living room and paying more per month than our mortgage.  Considerably more.  Housing is small and there is no chance of getting a yard, unless you are part of the wealthiest 2%.  
• Food:  I am not the biggest fan of authentic Japanese food.  For the most part the most convenient  and prevalent food choices consist of noodles in a broth that tastes sort of like dirty dish water, rice, and fried vegetables.  These are the staples similar to our tacos, pasta and red sauce and pizza.  
• Grocery stores: The grocery stores are small and have very little variety.  The grocery stores in America rock.  You can find almost anything you want.  I went to a handful of grocery stores in Japan and each had the same problem.  Felt like trying to shop for food at a pharmacy.  
• Earthquakes:  They have earthquakes that cause major problems every few years.  The problems are in the form of devastated cities, exploding nuclear plants and tidal waves.  Japan is not a healthy place, seismically speaking.  While staying in a small village up in the mountains, an earthquake caused our bed and breakfast to shake ferociously.  There was a good 6-7 seconds where I held my breath and wondered if the ceiling might collapse on us.  Found out the next day that an earthquake registering a 7.1 on the Richter scale hit that area that night.  Also learned that there are earthquakes that can be felt almost monthly.  Sometimes the earthquakes are so mild that you do not consciously notice them, but you fall over and are not sure why.  

#116 Mustaches

Mustaches have become a thing recently.  Not exactly sure why, but I see the fake ones showing up all over Facebook, Instagram, on dinnerware, on babies, on whiskey glasses.  Got me thinking about my favorite mustaches.  Following are what I think about when forced to think about mustaches:

1) First on the list is probably Sam Elliott.  He always has a crazy big mustache that partners well with his deep, southern voice.  

2) Next we have Borat.  When I first learned of this character I was certain the mustache was fake.  Not so sure anymore.  

3) I had to include at least one iconic mustache.  And that one belongs to The Bandit, who stole the hearts of a generation of women with his mustachioed smile.  

4) Of course we cannot forget Chandler, who grew this thing in order to compete with Magnum PI.  

5) It is because of this guy that people refer to porn-staches.  This man's upperlip hairs must be the dirtiest in the world...

6)  And finally, we cannot forget the 14-year old Mexi-stache.  This is what happens to me in Movember.  

#115 New Things (Vol 1)

Generally, I am interested in trying new things in an attempt to broaden my horizons and enhance my overall quality of life.  For example, I did not try raw sushi until I was already 30 years old, and was so disappointed to learn that I had wasted 30 years of my life not eating sushi.

Following is a small list of things I wish I could get into, but don't think I ever will.  

Vodka: I consider myself a drinker and enjoy red wine, whiskey and beer most of all.  I learned that the clear liquors are the ones least bad for you.  I wish I liked vodka more and have tried it with several mixers (cranberry, orange, soda, tonic, coke, grapefruit) but simply do not like it as much as I like whiskey.  I really like bloody marys, but only drink those once every few months, and usually in the morning when I am hungover and forced to play golf.

Pho: So many people like Pho (pronounced "fuh" I think) and I find myself with people eager to eat at the latest Pho restaurant.  Pho tastes like hot water with a couple of leaves floating around in it.  I like hot water ok, and I suppose I can eat a leaf or two if forced to.  But I do not understand why so many people (usually girls) get so excited when Pho is mentioned.  

Punk Music:  There are many things I like about punk music.  I like the general attitude of a punk rocker (sort of makes me laugh and roll my eyes, but I still like it), the band names, the album covers, the clothes, the way punk rockers freak out on stage and destroy stuff.  But I do NOT like the music.  I wish I did, but I simply do not.  Makes it hard to get into when I think the music might be the most important part.

White Wine: Similar to vodka, I think white wine is supposed to be one of the least bad for you alcohols.  We are going to several vineyards later this summer and I intend on giving white wine a serious chance to enter the rotation.  

Sitcoms: I grew up watching sitcoms like: Alf, Different Strokes, The Jeffersons, Silver Spoons and graduated to Friends, Seinfeld, Talk Radio etc.  At some point, I just could not take anymore.  I have not seen a sitcom in years, and that includes shows like The Office, 30-Rock, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory.  I can't handle them.  I would prefer sitting in silence in my living room to watching sitcoms.  I am not sure if the shows changed or if I changed.  What I think happened is Showtime/HBO raised the bar for TV so high, that everything looks so bad in comparison.  But I am not 100% sure of this because I watch True Blood and that show is pretty bad too.

Fruit:  As I have gotten older I have become more conscious of my behavior as it relates to health.  I do a good job staying hydrated, eating vegetables, portion control, taking vitamins and exercise.  However, I do not eat fruit.  I wish I could eat more fruit.  Unless someone cuts it up for me and feeds it to me like a kindergarten mother, I will not eat it.

Yoga:  Yoga seems to me to be a good workout to execute at home using a DVD or the internet to call out positions and timing.  I do not know a whole lot about yoga, but understand that it provides good core, strength and flexibility training.  I would like to get into yoga, but find it to be very boring.  I do not like stretching because I am ready to go out there and run.  Sitting/standing in one place gets old to me.  Maybe if there were a faster-paced yoga regimen I could get on board.   

#114 Vonnegut's Exhibitionists

Kurt Vonnegut wrote in his novel Bluebeard (one of my favorites from him):

moderate giftedness has been made worthless by the printing press and radio and television and satellites and all that. A moderately gifted person who would have been a community treasure a thousand years ago has to give up, has to go into some other line of work, since modern communications put him or her into daily competition with nothing but the world's champions.

The entire planet can get along nicely now with maybe a dozen champion performers in each area of human giftedness. A moderately gifted person has to keep his or her gifts all bottled up until, in a manner of speaking, he or she gets drunk at a wedding and tapdances on the coffee table like Fred Astair or Ginger Rogers. We have a name for him or her. We call him or her an 'exhibitionist.'

I normally yield to Vonnegut as the end all be all American intellectual, but for some reason this quote did not sit well with me.  Without a doubt he is talking about me and I would proudly call myself an Exhibitionist.  But he uses the word "worthless" and I guess that is where my hang up exists.  I do not measure the value of my level of giftedness (as a musician, artist, athlete) against top professionals of the Human Race.  Instead, I measure the value against what my experiences in these artistic forms afford me.

The number one thing they afford me is a bad ass song/painting/picture that I get to show off to my friends and family.  Over the years I have shared many laughs over my moderate success in whichever art form I choose to explore, and I am sure we can all agree my work can be characterized as "bad ass". 

However, and more importantly, my attempts at art have afford me time with people I truly care about.  Writing music is less about the song for me than it is about the collaboration with a friend on how to make it better.  This includes the connection we have because of that song.  We can listen to it years from now and often remember the circumstances around when we recorded it, where we were and what our lives were like at that time.

So basically I am saying, in this one instance (and so far only this one instance) I am smarter than Vonnegut.

#113 A Female Office - From A Male's Perspective

I work in an office of only women.  Actually, there are a couple of dudes mulling about, but we do well to stay quiet and out of the way.  Following is a couple of things I notice day to day that are worth mentioning:

• Women here laugh a lot.  It is sort of refreshing, actually.  One of them gets to laughing so hard (almost daily) that the rest of them can't help but laugh.  It is hard to feel the pressure of impending deadlines, which is an unfortunate norm in the advertising industry, when everyone in the office is laughing and only one person really knows why.  One thing that I know gets her going is beavis and butthead style reaction to people inadvertently saying an "inappropriate" word like  doodoo...as in "One of the things I do do at work is..."
• We have several women who smell nice.  I can tell who came into work based solely on the fragrance that wafts in my general direction when the door swings shut.
• Many women in the office need candy fixes.  Especially in the afternoon. There are a handful of candy jars around, and they have to be filled up every other day.  The strange thing is, most girls in this office will not eat from their own candy jar.  They fill it up for the other women in the office, but when it is time for their fix, they seek out another candy jar.  Grass is greener sort of thing, perhaps?  Who knows?
• There are several women here who have noticed something I do, remembered, and then gifted me something at a completely random and unexpected time.  For my example I will use my love of dark chocolate.  When I remember, I will buy a couple of bars and store them in the fridge.  After lunch I eat 2 squares so that in a week, the bar is gone.  Multiple times I have had someone bring me a bar or individually wrapped squares of specialty chocolate simply because they knew I would like it.  Dudes do not do these sorts of things.  To take this phenomenon to a weird place (and you know how much I like bathroom humor), I am pretty sure 90% of the females in the office know the three dudes bathroom schedule.  Maybe not, but it definitely seems plausible.
• This is probably grossly inaccurate, but it feels like to me many women cannot spell.  We have at least 4 women here who yell across the office for strange words for me to spell for them.  I think it has gotten to the point where they will encounter a difficult word and yell it out just to test me.  The word I got earlier today was "chotchkies".  Honestly, I was surprised when I spelled it right.
• The small talk does not feel like small talk when a woman is involved.  For instance, each Monday I come in I get questions about my weekend.  And they pay attention to my answer, comment, and generally act like they are interested in whatever it is I have to say.  Occasionally the same conversation will occur in the kitchen between me and one of the other dudes, and unless it is about sports, the conversation feels totally forced and awkward.  And there are times when I will go into the kitchen and not say a thing to the other dude in there.  But when a woman walks in the kitchen she will have a meaningful and relevant conversation with whoever is in the kitchen. 
• Women talk about hair and they talk about The Bachelor.  I have gotten good at tuning out The Bachelor talk because the lack of substance is easy to ignore.  However, I sometimes find myself listening to the hair conversations.  I recently learned how to make a sock bun, and watched as 8 women stood in line the next morning with their socks ready for a demonstration from the previous morning's discussion.  Oddly, this was the second job where I have over-heard the sock bun conversation.
• Women here do not adhere to routine.  For instance, any particular woman in this office will arrive to work at a different time each morning, spanning from an hour early to an hour late.  The three dudes get to work at the same time each morning with a plus/minus error of five minutes tops.  And when a dude misses this plus/minus, their entire day is thrown off.  This same phenomenon occurs with lunch.  Me and the dudes go through our same daily routine without fail.  The women in the office will try and bring a lunch, but that does not mean they are going to eat it.  They may decide to go out for food, or they may forget to eat altogether.  

#112 What I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up

I work in Media, which is to say I spend a lot of time with spreadsheets and numbers analyzing budgets and making decisions for clients based on efficiency and value.  It is a nice career with a good balance between figuring out puzzles and creatively presenting ideas I have to sell in recommendations I ask our clients to make with their money.  I like it and would endorse it as a good career choice to young people.  However, I have never once heard a young child say, "When I grow up, I want to plan media!"  

As a fun exercise, I will spend some time sharing some of things I remember wanting to be when I grew up.  

• The earliest thing I remember was wanting to be a lawyer so that I could have a desk in Joe's office and go to work with him everyday.  I must have been 4-5 years old and would go with Joe to his office on Saturdays.  The buildings downtown (and the elevator ride) amazed me and I played with a box full of hot wheels next to a window in a conference room.  Each Saturday we walked to a dingy James Coney Island for 2 hot dogs with mustard and ketchup.  One time, I was going to the bathroom (#2) in a 1 person bathroom.  The door had no lock so Joe guarded for me.  This large black dude pushed his way past Joe and barged into the bathroom repeating, "I gotta take a piss...I gotta take a piss".  He whipped his thing out and pissed in the sink right in front of me, with Joe standing in the doorway unsure of what was the appropriate response.  To this day, I have not gone back to the bathroom in a James Coney Island.
• Soon afterward I wanted to be a professional baseball player.  We went to Astros games all the time and I used to practice fake pitching at the top of the ramps leading to the seats.  At the end of the game I would sprint down the ramps as fast as I could, and one time I got to the bottom and could not find Joe or my mom.  I cried until a police officer stood with me and helped me find them.  I suppose that was when it was obvious I would not cut it as a pro ball player, because as everyone knows, "there's no crying in baseball."
• My fourth grade summer I discovered stand up comedy.  Watched it all the time!  I remember comic relief, George Carlin, Robin Williams, Robert Townsend, Sam Kinison, Bob Nelson, Andrew Dice Clay and Steven Wright and thinking to myself how much I wanted to be a stand up comedian.  Sometimes I think of something funny and decide that it would be good material for my first stand up routine.  I wonder when that will be...
• In Junior High, I did not think about my future much.  At least, not as much as I did in elementary school.  The only thing I remember about Junior High is I went through a short period of time where I wanted to be a pediatrician.  I liked the idea of making children feel better, and with Stephen and Cody, I had a lot of experience messing with young children.  Not sure what dissuaded me from this, as I still think I would be a good pediatrician.  Probably all of the school and stuff, and the fact that I would not have been able to party as much in college.  
• In high school, I came to the realization I wanted to be a teacher.  This lasted throughout out all of high school and well into my first semester at college.  I remember Kunio telling me many times how teachers don't make much money.  I would always tell him that money is not everything.  "You won't be saying that when you don't have any," he would tell me.  Incidentally, it was not the money that turned me off of teaching.  It was the mandatory class observations I experienced at a local high school through my first semester at Baylor.  I observed a geography class, and watching the teacher beat his head against the wall that is high school attention deficit disorder made me realize that I could not be a teacher at all.  I decided I wanted to be a professor.
• There was a small amount of time where I considered the military.  I went to a recruiting office and took the test used to determine what track you would take once you entered.  I scored well on this test and was going to go into the Marines with the hope of being an officer.  The main reason I considered this was the fact they pay for your college.  It would take a few years to earn this, but I felt like a few years in return for a free education was a worthy trade.  I remember the day I went to the recruiting office to sign the paper work I thought about what the actual trade was.  I was not trading a few years of my life.  Instead, I was trading my friends for a free education.  I considered the possibility that joining the military would mean I would go to school 4 years after Chris, Craig, Dugat etc.  and that was NOT a worthy trade to me.  So happy I made that decision...because like I told Kunio early on, money is not everything.
• In college, I wanted to be a writer!  I started off by writing a couple of short stories (one of them had imaginary talking puppets in it) followed by my first attempt at writing a novel.  I got more than 100 pages in and my computer crashed.  I was able to save the files, but paranoia drove me to write the rest of the novel by hand.  Since then I have written a handful of novels and a handful of unfinished novels.  Writing as a career is much too emotionally stressful, and is no way to spend a lifetime...even though I have some good stories stuck in my head just begging to get out.
• After graduating I took a job at a trade show booth company.  I spent much of my time there seeking out other opportunities.  Among these was opening a bar.  L. bought me several books on how to open a bar and we started trying to figure out what it would take to get the ball rolling.  Of course, there were two main hurdles to overcome.  The first was getting a business loan, which is not an easy thing to do.  The second was getting a liquor license, also not an easy thing to do.  Ultimately, the plan was destined to fail because nothing good could come from me being at a bar every night.
• Finally, upon moving back to Dallas I spent a couple of months with no job.  Being unemployed was difficult for me.  My life had little structure and I had little to no self worth.  I woke up early with L.  every morning to see her off to work and to get my day started.  I spent my time trying to work out, swim, apply for jobs and watching DVRed Rangers games.  And I also spent time putting together a business plan for a boxing gym.  I wanted to open a boxing gym near a college campus, where you would have a never ending influx of new customers trying to stay in shape.  I feel like working out is important for health and confidence, and what better way to spend your working hours than working out and helping others work out.  Makes a lot of sense.  Again, the problem arose of getting a business loan.

#111 Personal Post 1

Not sure why, but I have avoided personal posts throughout my years (yes, it has been years) of writing on this thing.  Not sure this was done on purpose, but here goes my first attempt at a personal post:

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a mole on my scalp that is almost the size of a dime.  It was difficult to see through my hair, but I could tell there was something going on that needed to be checked out.  Made a doctor's appointment with a dermatologist to check out the mole and confirm that everything was A-OK.  The appointment was yesterday.

I specifically chose a female dermatologist because I have learned throughout my years that women can find anything, while men cannot find a damn thing.  Dr. A entered the room, read through my chart and said, "so, we are going to do a general check up to make sure you don't have any questionable moles?"  I nod.  She then said, "Would you like for me to look below your pants?"  

I was sort of confused by the wording, but understood enough that she was asking me how thorough I wanted this check up to be.  I hesitated.  I was not expecting this question.  In the moment I figured it would be smart to check my entire body, lest I don't mind ignoring testicular cancer.  I said, "Sure.  Let's go below my pants."

She produced a long piece of paper that felt more like a paper towel than actual paper.  She asked me to strip down and cover myself with the paper.  I did so and learned that I could not sit down without potentially tearing my paper towel skirt.  She asked me if there was a particular mole that motivated me to make the appointment.  I told her my scalp and showed here where the dime mole was.  She used a little device to check it out and then proceeded to scour my entire head for more moles.  She checked my neck, my face, my shoulders, my arms, my chest, my back, my stomach...all the while saying things like, "here's another one, but the pigments look fine" and "here's a tiny one that is perfectly symmetrical.  Nothing to worry about here."  

And then she got to the waist, where my right hand held the paper against my hip as if I had just gotten out of the shower.  She said, "Let's have a look, shall we?"  Without hesitation or regret, I dropped the paper towel and stood there in the middle of the room completely naked.

Here is where the personal part of the story comes into play.  I am comfortable with my body.  I have no issues with me physically...which is to say, I am happy and confident with the largeness of my penis.  I dropped the paper towel and was in no way concerned about what Dr. A was about to contend with.  

And then I looked down.  The timid dingaling hanging there was NOT the thing I wake up to every morning, NOT the thing I shower with every evening, and NOT the thing I play with every chance I get.  I was blindsided by this imposter johnson, shriveled and tucked away like a scared turtle.  I was not sure what to do.  I thought about Costanza pleading that there was shrinkage after he swam in the cold ocean.  I considered slapping him around to wake him up.  I wondered if I should try and think about women in bikinis dancing around, but then quickly shot that idea down so as not to cause a problem in the other direction.  

Ultimately,  I did nothing.  I stood there and waited for it to be over.  I shook my head slowly and thought about the stern talking to he was going to get once the appointment was over.  Dr. A finished and told me I could get dressed.  She said everything looked great and that my skin looked healthy.  "Thanks," I muttered, still confused at what had just happened.

I wish I had a moral for you.  My first instinct would be not to go below the pants.  My second instinct would be to have the stern talking to right before the dermatologist appointment, but I'm not convinced that would do any good either.  My third instinct would be to take viagra before going, but I am not sure wasting a viagra is the right answer.  I think the best thing to do is to write your first personal blog post about the whole thing...

#110 School Reform

Talked with 2 teachers recently about a terrible problem plaguing American high school classrooms.  Young students cannot seem to exist within their school environment without earbuds dangling from the ear holes.  Teachers demand they take them out and the student will reply, "but teacher, I don't even have music on?  Why must I take them out!"

Obviously high school kids are annoying.  But are they more annoying now than we were growing up?  I am trying to think back on the things we did that annoyed the adults during our generation.  Here is what  I came up with:

• Wore hats backward.  Not sure when this became a thing, but I remember my dad getting mad when I wore my hat backward.  He argued that the bill was designed to keep the sun out of your eyes, and by wearing the thing backwards you were making it useless.
• Wearing hats in school in general.  Not sure if students today are allowed to wear hats at school, but I remember we were not, and so often we tried to get away with wearing them when we were not supposed to.
• Jams.  We wore jams and my parents thought the loud, colorful, loose fitting shorts looked completely stupid and unprofessional.  I am sad that jams have not made a comeback.  I would totally wear them now.
• In elementary school there was a 2-3 year period where all kids wore the plastic bracelets that could be interwoven together to form different shapes.  This was pretty much in direct response to Madonna, if I remember correctly.
• I did not do this, but I remember several groups of students who wore their jeans inside out, causing their pockets to flop around at their sides.  Also, several kids wore their jackets backwards (thanks to Criss Cross).  
• We said "sike" all the time to negate anything said just before.  This was our way of being tricky and ultimately led to never being able to believe anything we say, because you just waited for "sike" to be included at the end.  For instance, a kid might say, "Yeah, I talked to her about you and she says she likes you, man. Sike!"
• This was not a thing with our generation, but it was something that me, Chris and Dugat enjoyed.  We bought 25 cent fake tattoos from CiCi's pizza and would wear them on our fore arm.  They were the different looney tune characters.  If you were lucky enough to pull a Daffy Duck, you pretty much had the coolest fake tattoo for the next two weeks.
• Craig and his group of friends shaved their heads (I think it was an athlete thing, but I am not certain of this).  All the parents HATED it, and if I remember correctly, Craig had a shaved head for several years in high school.  
• While Craig was shaving his head, the rest of us were trying to grow our hair out long.  This is not a generational thing, as it has and probably always will be a thing.  Looking back at old pictures makes me laugh because we did not look good with long hair.  
• I grew up in the time of the scrunchy.  Pretty much all girls wore scrunchies.  I sometimes hear girls joke about scrunchies nowadays and laugh at how many scrunchies they once owned.  I thought they looked good back then and I am pretty sure they would look good now.  I got no problem with the scrunchy.
• Jean shorts were big when I was in high school.  I did not like them, but I was definitely in the minority.
• Doc Martens were also popular when I was growing up.  I had two pair, one black and one brown.  I didn't wear them with shorts like a lot of kids did.  I still have the brown pair and will wear them occasionally.  They are one of the most comfortable pair of shoes I got.
• While in junior high, most of the boys played the "2 for flinching" game.  Does that game still exist?  Pretty sure no game was responsible for more fights in Junior High than "2 for Flinching".
• Again, not really a thing, but I bought fuzzy dice for all my friends when they turned 16.  Chris did not like them because they impeded his vision.  He was the only smart one of our group.

#109 No One Likes Youth

My last post focused on a few negatives of aging.  This time, I would like to talk a little about youth.  Last week at lunch I talked with coworkers about movies.  I made a comment about how comedies coming out today seem to gravitate toward raunchiness, not like in the old days when Steve Martin and Tom Hanks made thoughtful, wholesome comedies.  A young person at the table scoffed and said, "Tom Hanks doesn't make comedies.  He only makes serious movies."  Got me thinking about the things young people do that annoy me...making me feel very happy to be aging!

• Movies:  I think this one is and always will be tough for me.  I work with several young people who have not seen any movies.  And I cannot wrap my head around it.  I have noticed that it is mainly girls who have this problem but I am not sure if this is because girls have this issue more often than boys, or if I only work with girls, so I am only seeing the young girls who have not seen any movies.  But, how can someone in this world grow up not having seen or even heard of movies such as: Bill & Teds (both their excellent adventure and their bogus journey), SpaceBalls, Dances With Wolves, Big, Harry and the Hendersons, Scrooged, Good Will Hunting, Robin Hood (Disney Animated Version), Lonseome Dove, The Goonies, Bull Durham, Spies Like Us, Weird Science, The Neverending Story
• Vocabulary.  Young people shorten every word for some reason: Totes, Obvi, Bullsh, Bougiee
• No attention span: I listen to stories all day long that completely change course mid story and no one has trouble following along except for me.  For instance, a young girl walked into the kitchen and started a story with the phrase "I can't believe I wore a white shirt the same day I brought pasta and red sauce...and ended the story with I almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty" (Even though LSU is in Baton Rouge).  Without pausing she said she couldn't believe she wore a white shirt the same day she brought pasta and red sauce because she she is a messy eater, especially with pasta red sauce because she likes extra sauce because that is where the flavor is, and when she made this one last night she used paprika which she normally doesn't use but she went to Cafe Brazil recently who used Paprika on something but she can't remember what it was, and she often likes to get Brazilian food, even though Cafe Brazil has no Brazilian food and she tires of Fogo De Ciao, but there is a surprisingly good steakhouse in Lubbock even though there were no Brazilian food restaurants in Lubbock, because it is a college town and she liked college even though she applied to OU and Tech, but they are essentially the same type of school with lots of country boys, but she almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty.  I seriously can't keep up.
• Using too many letters at the end of words when typing emails or facebook: wayyyyyyyy cool, love themm, heyyy, have funnn, move arounddd, moving todayyy - all examples taken from facebook
• Many young people I talk to have never heard of music from any other time period.  This includes 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's.  I ask if they like music and they say yes, very much.  I then ask what they listen to and they cannot give me a straight answer.  A girl sitting close to me said she listens to everything and different stuff.  I asked for her favorite artists and she could not give me one.  Instead she told me a handful of songs she likes.  Its like once the internet happened, people cannot waste time listening to an actual album.  
• Complete disregard for sensibility, followed by complaining:  This one is complex and I see it in many forms.  I see it most with food.  The girls I have worked with will skip lunch because they are "too busy" and then be completely starving at 2p, so much so that they have to get something fast, so they walk to a nearby restaurant where they order a sandwich and cookie and bring it back to the office.  They will sit the sandwich down near their computer because they have so much work and they won't eat it.  The sandwich gets too soggy for them to eat (after 15 minutes it is too soggy) and so they throw it away, eat the cookie and then at 3:30 they are starving again.  At this point they go to starbucks for marble cake and a latte, or they go to the basement and get a candy bar.  Throughout the day they complain about always being hungry and about how they always seem to gain weight.  
• The higher pitched trailing off of syllables often attributed to Valley Girl style speaking.  This has been happening for decades, and is usually attributed to high schoo/college age girls.  However, I would like to say that I hear this in the work place from boys and girls over the age of 25.  Also, I watch a show on HBO called Vice, which is a documentary style show.  The young guy interviewing a Korean National trying to escape the oppression of her country (which for her was being sold as a sex slave) spoke just like a high school valley girl.  I don't understand this.