#120 Not So Red Hot Chili Peppers

Q: Wanna know what's more boring than trying to grow your own chili peppers?  A: Hearing about someone else trying to grow their own peppers.

A couple of years ago I hand built rickety planter boxes within which I hoped to grow vegetables.  Over the years I have had some success with peppers, and not much else.  Last year I missed my opportunity to plant anything (due to laziness), but this year I planted chili peppers and tomatoes.  I take great care to water (but not over water) and make sure they are getting plenty of sun (but not too much sun).  Also, I sing to the plants as often as I can because I read somewhere that plants respond to music.  

Unfortunately, the tomatoes did not do well.  The leaves turned brown and crispy.  I watered to over-compensate for the ridiculous 100 degree heat we have had recently, and as a result, the fruit suffered from bottom rot.  Incidentally, I do not like the term bottom rot.  Reminds me too much of what I image happens if you fail to change a baby's diaper fast enough.  So I returned the tomatoes, feeling guilty at having failed the poor plants and perhaps caused them too much disease and anguish to survive.  

The chili peppers, on the other hand, are growing nicely.  Well, at least two of them are.   1 of the plants does not care for my singing, but you can't please everyone all the time.  Last week, however, they encountered a problem.  I discovered tiny bugs crawling all over them.  Almost like termite infestation.  I went to the store and learned that mites are common with gardens and that you have to spray for them.  So I did.  Then this weekend I discovered tiny worm-like larvae all over the plants.  The mite spray claims to work on other parasites as well, including worms and caterpillars.  So I sprayed them again.  Now I worry everyday that my pepper plants aren't going to make it.

Moral of this boring story:  I will be a shitty parent whose children may die of bottom rot and will most definitely be the ones forced to get lice treatment from their elementary school nurse, destined to be forever labeled as the gross kid covered in mites!   

#119 Pain In The Neck Too

We had "forced family fun" yesterday.  That is to say that our entire office took the afternoon off to go bowling.  I am a fan of promoting relationships within the office environment, and though I am not a huge bowler, I was looking forward to splitting our office into teams and having a bowling tournament on a Wednesday afternoon when we would normally be working.   

The tournament was fun, and my team won the entire thing (no thanks to me, who was the weakest bowler on the team).  However, there is one huge pain in the neck when it comes to a bowling tournament with coworkers.  That is the apparent importance of the witty, pun-tastic team name.  Our team sent probably 48 emails throughout most of Tuesday afternoon throwing out name after name, and we could never agree on anything.  And all the names were horrible, but they all seemed to think they were hilariously funny. Maybe I am a sour puss, or perhaps I just don't like puns.  Following are the names we considered:

Split Happens

Livin' on a Spare

XXX With Coworkers

Oh Spare Me!

Snakes On A Lane

Turkey Hunters

Strike A Pose

Minds In The Gutter

The Little Lebowski Urban Achievers (This was my contribution)

and finally the winner:

Pin Killerz

#118 Pain In The Neck

At some point in the middle of the night I did whatever it is people do to earn a vicious pain in the neck.  Not sure if I slept on it wrong or if my head fell off the side of the bed, but today I must walk around with my neck and head unnaturally straight like I am wearing a neck brace.  Following are all the annoying things I noticed today while having a pain in the neck:

• Driving:  I think driving might be the worst.  On my drive to work I had a difficult time checking my blind spots, changing lanes, locating pedestrians in the parking garage and cat calling pretty girls jogging on the side of the road.  And more than once I forgot about my tender neck and simply turned to look in my blind spot, only to feel excruciating pain shoot through my neck and back.  Completely no bueno.
• Answering Co-Workers:  In advertising, the fad nowadays is to have a completely open work environment.  This means, no cubicles.  This means, large open room with tables and desks and we are all positioned out in the open with little storage space and little to no privacy.  This means at any given moment someone is calling your name from across the room because it is easier to do that than use the phone, or god forbid, walk all the way over to tell me something.  Several times today I had someone call my name and I instinctively turned in their direction, causing my face to wince in pain.  And my friendly co-workers have already given all the sympathy they have to give, so they are just annoyed with me at this point.  
• Sleeping:  Sleeping last night may have been worse than driving.  Once I realized the pain, it was hard for me to get comfortable.  I move around when I sleep, so there were several instances where I woke up from moving into an uncomfortable position.  And when the pain woke me up, I think I would jump/twitch slightly which caused the dog to wake up.  She would venture out from under the covers to see what was wrong, and would listen a few moments before burrowing back toward my feet.  Neither of us slept well.
• Peeing:  As a dude, I must look down in order to aim properly and minimize splash.  I have gone to the bathroom 3 times so far today and each time I have trouble looking down due to the pain in my neck.  It is an odd feeling simply unzipping and releasing without looking where I am aiming.   Feels liberating in a strange way.  But like most things that feel liberating, I am sure I am making a huge mess.  

And to make things worse, I sprained my big toe in a collision in yesterday's late night soccer game.  My toe is swollen and hurts when I put any pressure on my right foot.  So today I am hobbling around like a miserable old man, limping slightly and constantly grabbing for my neck in a futile attempt to lessen the pain.  I look like Quausimodo, or Gene Wilder's assistant in Young Frankenstein (is it Igor?).    Anyway, have I complained enough today?  Feel sorry for me yet?  Didn't think so.  

#117 Japanese Heritage

My father and youngest brother visited Dallas this last weekend.  Recently, Kunio has adopted a new workout routine that consists solely of walking around the neighborhood for 1 hour.  He sets his watch to ensure he does not short change himself.   With hour long walks scheduled for each day, we got lots of good talking time in.  

Among our many conversations, we discussed Japan and our Japanese Heritage.  David began the conversation by telling us about two lesbian friends who considered asking him for a sperm donation in order to take advantage of his Japanese genes.  Not sure what they were thinking...but whatever.  Due to my father's discomfort with lesbian talk, the conversation quickly changed to Japan and how Kunio is considering buying land over there and building a mission so that he can help spread the holy word to a country in need of christianity.  I will not be entering religion talk just now, as that would be a long and arduous post that I do not feel like messing with on a Monday.  However, I will spend a moment discussing the possibility of moving to Japan.

I would like to live a portion of my life overseas, and each international vacation I take, I  make a pros/cons list (rachel-style) for consideration on whether or not I could live in that country for an extended period of time.  Following is my list for Japan:

Pros:

• The People: The people are remarkable!  I know it is difficult to talk about an attitude or personality traits of an entire culture without making gross stereotypes, but there is an overwhelming sense of respect, politeness and consideration for others that you see on a grand scale in Japanese people that you do NOT see in Americans.  I tell this story a lot because it had such an effect on me, but one afternoon we walked around the geisha district in Kyoto.  The streets are narrow and the homes/buildings are close together, creating a maze of alleys and paths through this ancient looking Asian village.  Without warning, a storm hit.  L. and I crouched close to a building, hoping to stay as dry as possible until the rain let up enough for us to find a coffee shop or restaurant.  We stood against the wall for five minutes until a man ran through the rain from several houses down in order to bring us an umbrella.  He handed it to me, smiled, bowed and then quickly ran off back into the rain.  This does not happen in America, and it made me want to live in a place where people look out for each other.  If I had been in America, someone would have purposely swerved in our direction with the hope of spraying us down with curbside water.  
• Average Height: I would instantly go from being one of the shortest men in the room to being one of the average height men.  Perhaps even on the taller side of average.  I know this is not really that important, but it would make a huge difference when I go out looking for pickup basketball games.  
• Universal Healthcare: They have government healthcare, which means when you get sick or you hurt yourself, you go to the hospital and they take care of you.  The first time I went to Japan I had an allergic reaction to something I ate.  I broke out into a serious rash that covered my arms, legs and torso.  My uncle took me to the hospital where within an hour or so I saw a doctor, received medication and was taken home.  And I was a foriegner.  This leads me to believe that a government healthcare system could work, if it is done correctly.  
• Public Transportation:  The country has an excellent system of public transportation.  I would like to live in a country where you do not need a car.  The only downside I see to this is grocery shopping.  When you come home with groceries, you must carry them farther than would be convenient.  

Cons:

• Expensive: It is expensive to live in Japan.  Rent is insanely expensive.  And I mean insanely expensive.  We know someone living in a 2 room efficiency apartment that was the size of our living room and paying more per month than our mortgage.  Considerably more.  Housing is small and there is no chance of getting a yard, unless you are part of the wealthiest 2%.  
• Food:  I am not the biggest fan of authentic Japanese food.  For the most part the most convenient  and prevalent food choices consist of noodles in a broth that tastes sort of like dirty dish water, rice, and fried vegetables.  These are the staples similar to our tacos, pasta and red sauce and pizza.  
• Grocery stores: The grocery stores are small and have very little variety.  The grocery stores in America rock.  You can find almost anything you want.  I went to a handful of grocery stores in Japan and each had the same problem.  Felt like trying to shop for food at a pharmacy.  
• Earthquakes:  They have earthquakes that cause major problems every few years.  The problems are in the form of devastated cities, exploding nuclear plants and tidal waves.  Japan is not a healthy place, seismically speaking.  While staying in a small village up in the mountains, an earthquake caused our bed and breakfast to shake ferociously.  There was a good 6-7 seconds where I held my breath and wondered if the ceiling might collapse on us.  Found out the next day that an earthquake registering a 7.1 on the Richter scale hit that area that night.  Also learned that there are earthquakes that can be felt almost monthly.  Sometimes the earthquakes are so mild that you do not consciously notice them, but you fall over and are not sure why.  

#116 Mustaches

Mustaches have become a thing recently.  Not exactly sure why, but I see the fake ones showing up all over Facebook, Instagram, on dinnerware, on babies, on whiskey glasses.  Got me thinking about my favorite mustaches.  Following are what I think about when forced to think about mustaches:

1) First on the list is probably Sam Elliott.  He always has a crazy big mustache that partners well with his deep, southern voice.  

2) Next we have Borat.  When I first learned of this character I was certain the mustache was fake.  Not so sure anymore.  

3) I had to include at least one iconic mustache.  And that one belongs to The Bandit, who stole the hearts of a generation of women with his mustachioed smile.  

4) Of course we cannot forget Chandler, who grew this thing in order to compete with Magnum PI.  

5) It is because of this guy that people refer to porn-staches.  This man's upperlip hairs must be the dirtiest in the world...

6)  And finally, we cannot forget the 14-year old Mexi-stache.  This is what happens to me in Movember.  

#115 New Things (Vol 1)

Generally, I am interested in trying new things in an attempt to broaden my horizons and enhance my overall quality of life.  For example, I did not try raw sushi until I was already 30 years old, and was so disappointed to learn that I had wasted 30 years of my life not eating sushi.

Following is a small list of things I wish I could get into, but don't think I ever will.  

Vodka: I consider myself a drinker and enjoy red wine, whiskey and beer most of all.  I learned that the clear liquors are the ones least bad for you.  I wish I liked vodka more and have tried it with several mixers (cranberry, orange, soda, tonic, coke, grapefruit) but simply do not like it as much as I like whiskey.  I really like bloody marys, but only drink those once every few months, and usually in the morning when I am hungover and forced to play golf.

Pho: So many people like Pho (pronounced "fuh" I think) and I find myself with people eager to eat at the latest Pho restaurant.  Pho tastes like hot water with a couple of leaves floating around in it.  I like hot water ok, and I suppose I can eat a leaf or two if forced to.  But I do not understand why so many people (usually girls) get so excited when Pho is mentioned.  

Punk Music:  There are many things I like about punk music.  I like the general attitude of a punk rocker (sort of makes me laugh and roll my eyes, but I still like it), the band names, the album covers, the clothes, the way punk rockers freak out on stage and destroy stuff.  But I do NOT like the music.  I wish I did, but I simply do not.  Makes it hard to get into when I think the music might be the most important part.

White Wine: Similar to vodka, I think white wine is supposed to be one of the least bad for you alcohols.  We are going to several vineyards later this summer and I intend on giving white wine a serious chance to enter the rotation.  

Sitcoms: I grew up watching sitcoms like: Alf, Different Strokes, The Jeffersons, Silver Spoons and graduated to Friends, Seinfeld, Talk Radio etc.  At some point, I just could not take anymore.  I have not seen a sitcom in years, and that includes shows like The Office, 30-Rock, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory.  I can't handle them.  I would prefer sitting in silence in my living room to watching sitcoms.  I am not sure if the shows changed or if I changed.  What I think happened is Showtime/HBO raised the bar for TV so high, that everything looks so bad in comparison.  But I am not 100% sure of this because I watch True Blood and that show is pretty bad too.

Fruit:  As I have gotten older I have become more conscious of my behavior as it relates to health.  I do a good job staying hydrated, eating vegetables, portion control, taking vitamins and exercise.  However, I do not eat fruit.  I wish I could eat more fruit.  Unless someone cuts it up for me and feeds it to me like a kindergarten mother, I will not eat it.

Yoga:  Yoga seems to me to be a good workout to execute at home using a DVD or the internet to call out positions and timing.  I do not know a whole lot about yoga, but understand that it provides good core, strength and flexibility training.  I would like to get into yoga, but find it to be very boring.  I do not like stretching because I am ready to go out there and run.  Sitting/standing in one place gets old to me.  Maybe if there were a faster-paced yoga regimen I could get on board.   

#114 Vonnegut's Exhibitionists

Kurt Vonnegut wrote in his novel Bluebeard (one of my favorites from him):

moderate giftedness has been made worthless by the printing press and radio and television and satellites and all that. A moderately gifted person who would have been a community treasure a thousand years ago has to give up, has to go into some other line of work, since modern communications put him or her into daily competition with nothing but the world's champions.

The entire planet can get along nicely now with maybe a dozen champion performers in each area of human giftedness. A moderately gifted person has to keep his or her gifts all bottled up until, in a manner of speaking, he or she gets drunk at a wedding and tapdances on the coffee table like Fred Astair or Ginger Rogers. We have a name for him or her. We call him or her an 'exhibitionist.'

I normally yield to Vonnegut as the end all be all American intellectual, but for some reason this quote did not sit well with me.  Without a doubt he is talking about me and I would proudly call myself an Exhibitionist.  But he uses the word "worthless" and I guess that is where my hang up exists.  I do not measure the value of my level of giftedness (as a musician, artist, athlete) against top professionals of the Human Race.  Instead, I measure the value against what my experiences in these artistic forms afford me.

The number one thing they afford me is a bad ass song/painting/picture that I get to show off to my friends and family.  Over the years I have shared many laughs over my moderate success in whichever art form I choose to explore, and I am sure we can all agree my work can be characterized as "bad ass". 

However, and more importantly, my attempts at art have afford me time with people I truly care about.  Writing music is less about the song for me than it is about the collaboration with a friend on how to make it better.  This includes the connection we have because of that song.  We can listen to it years from now and often remember the circumstances around when we recorded it, where we were and what our lives were like at that time.

So basically I am saying, in this one instance (and so far only this one instance) I am smarter than Vonnegut.

#113 A Female Office - From A Male's Perspective

I work in an office of only women.  Actually, there are a couple of dudes mulling about, but we do well to stay quiet and out of the way.  Following is a couple of things I notice day to day that are worth mentioning:

• Women here laugh a lot.  It is sort of refreshing, actually.  One of them gets to laughing so hard (almost daily) that the rest of them can't help but laugh.  It is hard to feel the pressure of impending deadlines, which is an unfortunate norm in the advertising industry, when everyone in the office is laughing and only one person really knows why.  One thing that I know gets her going is beavis and butthead style reaction to people inadvertently saying an "inappropriate" word like  doodoo...as in "One of the things I do do at work is..."
• We have several women who smell nice.  I can tell who came into work based solely on the fragrance that wafts in my general direction when the door swings shut.
• Many women in the office need candy fixes.  Especially in the afternoon. There are a handful of candy jars around, and they have to be filled up every other day.  The strange thing is, most girls in this office will not eat from their own candy jar.  They fill it up for the other women in the office, but when it is time for their fix, they seek out another candy jar.  Grass is greener sort of thing, perhaps?  Who knows?
• There are several women here who have noticed something I do, remembered, and then gifted me something at a completely random and unexpected time.  For my example I will use my love of dark chocolate.  When I remember, I will buy a couple of bars and store them in the fridge.  After lunch I eat 2 squares so that in a week, the bar is gone.  Multiple times I have had someone bring me a bar or individually wrapped squares of specialty chocolate simply because they knew I would like it.  Dudes do not do these sorts of things.  To take this phenomenon to a weird place (and you know how much I like bathroom humor), I am pretty sure 90% of the females in the office know the three dudes bathroom schedule.  Maybe not, but it definitely seems plausible.
• This is probably grossly inaccurate, but it feels like to me many women cannot spell.  We have at least 4 women here who yell across the office for strange words for me to spell for them.  I think it has gotten to the point where they will encounter a difficult word and yell it out just to test me.  The word I got earlier today was "chotchkies".  Honestly, I was surprised when I spelled it right.
• The small talk does not feel like small talk when a woman is involved.  For instance, each Monday I come in I get questions about my weekend.  And they pay attention to my answer, comment, and generally act like they are interested in whatever it is I have to say.  Occasionally the same conversation will occur in the kitchen between me and one of the other dudes, and unless it is about sports, the conversation feels totally forced and awkward.  And there are times when I will go into the kitchen and not say a thing to the other dude in there.  But when a woman walks in the kitchen she will have a meaningful and relevant conversation with whoever is in the kitchen. 
• Women talk about hair and they talk about The Bachelor.  I have gotten good at tuning out The Bachelor talk because the lack of substance is easy to ignore.  However, I sometimes find myself listening to the hair conversations.  I recently learned how to make a sock bun, and watched as 8 women stood in line the next morning with their socks ready for a demonstration from the previous morning's discussion.  Oddly, this was the second job where I have over-heard the sock bun conversation.
• Women here do not adhere to routine.  For instance, any particular woman in this office will arrive to work at a different time each morning, spanning from an hour early to an hour late.  The three dudes get to work at the same time each morning with a plus/minus error of five minutes tops.  And when a dude misses this plus/minus, their entire day is thrown off.  This same phenomenon occurs with lunch.  Me and the dudes go through our same daily routine without fail.  The women in the office will try and bring a lunch, but that does not mean they are going to eat it.  They may decide to go out for food, or they may forget to eat altogether.  

#112 What I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up

I work in Media, which is to say I spend a lot of time with spreadsheets and numbers analyzing budgets and making decisions for clients based on efficiency and value.  It is a nice career with a good balance between figuring out puzzles and creatively presenting ideas I have to sell in recommendations I ask our clients to make with their money.  I like it and would endorse it as a good career choice to young people.  However, I have never once heard a young child say, "When I grow up, I want to plan media!"  

As a fun exercise, I will spend some time sharing some of things I remember wanting to be when I grew up.  

• The earliest thing I remember was wanting to be a lawyer so that I could have a desk in Joe's office and go to work with him everyday.  I must have been 4-5 years old and would go with Joe to his office on Saturdays.  The buildings downtown (and the elevator ride) amazed me and I played with a box full of hot wheels next to a window in a conference room.  Each Saturday we walked to a dingy James Coney Island for 2 hot dogs with mustard and ketchup.  One time, I was going to the bathroom (#2) in a 1 person bathroom.  The door had no lock so Joe guarded for me.  This large black dude pushed his way past Joe and barged into the bathroom repeating, "I gotta take a piss...I gotta take a piss".  He whipped his thing out and pissed in the sink right in front of me, with Joe standing in the doorway unsure of what was the appropriate response.  To this day, I have not gone back to the bathroom in a James Coney Island.
• Soon afterward I wanted to be a professional baseball player.  We went to Astros games all the time and I used to practice fake pitching at the top of the ramps leading to the seats.  At the end of the game I would sprint down the ramps as fast as I could, and one time I got to the bottom and could not find Joe or my mom.  I cried until a police officer stood with me and helped me find them.  I suppose that was when it was obvious I would not cut it as a pro ball player, because as everyone knows, "there's no crying in baseball."
• My fourth grade summer I discovered stand up comedy.  Watched it all the time!  I remember comic relief, George Carlin, Robin Williams, Robert Townsend, Sam Kinison, Bob Nelson, Andrew Dice Clay and Steven Wright and thinking to myself how much I wanted to be a stand up comedian.  Sometimes I think of something funny and decide that it would be good material for my first stand up routine.  I wonder when that will be...
• In Junior High, I did not think about my future much.  At least, not as much as I did in elementary school.  The only thing I remember about Junior High is I went through a short period of time where I wanted to be a pediatrician.  I liked the idea of making children feel better, and with Stephen and Cody, I had a lot of experience messing with young children.  Not sure what dissuaded me from this, as I still think I would be a good pediatrician.  Probably all of the school and stuff, and the fact that I would not have been able to party as much in college.  
• In high school, I came to the realization I wanted to be a teacher.  This lasted throughout out all of high school and well into my first semester at college.  I remember Kunio telling me many times how teachers don't make much money.  I would always tell him that money is not everything.  "You won't be saying that when you don't have any," he would tell me.  Incidentally, it was not the money that turned me off of teaching.  It was the mandatory class observations I experienced at a local high school through my first semester at Baylor.  I observed a geography class, and watching the teacher beat his head against the wall that is high school attention deficit disorder made me realize that I could not be a teacher at all.  I decided I wanted to be a professor.
• There was a small amount of time where I considered the military.  I went to a recruiting office and took the test used to determine what track you would take once you entered.  I scored well on this test and was going to go into the Marines with the hope of being an officer.  The main reason I considered this was the fact they pay for your college.  It would take a few years to earn this, but I felt like a few years in return for a free education was a worthy trade.  I remember the day I went to the recruiting office to sign the paper work I thought about what the actual trade was.  I was not trading a few years of my life.  Instead, I was trading my friends for a free education.  I considered the possibility that joining the military would mean I would go to school 4 years after Chris, Craig, Dugat etc.  and that was NOT a worthy trade to me.  So happy I made that decision...because like I told Kunio early on, money is not everything.
• In college, I wanted to be a writer!  I started off by writing a couple of short stories (one of them had imaginary talking puppets in it) followed by my first attempt at writing a novel.  I got more than 100 pages in and my computer crashed.  I was able to save the files, but paranoia drove me to write the rest of the novel by hand.  Since then I have written a handful of novels and a handful of unfinished novels.  Writing as a career is much too emotionally stressful, and is no way to spend a lifetime...even though I have some good stories stuck in my head just begging to get out.
• After graduating I took a job at a trade show booth company.  I spent much of my time there seeking out other opportunities.  Among these was opening a bar.  L. bought me several books on how to open a bar and we started trying to figure out what it would take to get the ball rolling.  Of course, there were two main hurdles to overcome.  The first was getting a business loan, which is not an easy thing to do.  The second was getting a liquor license, also not an easy thing to do.  Ultimately, the plan was destined to fail because nothing good could come from me being at a bar every night.
• Finally, upon moving back to Dallas I spent a couple of months with no job.  Being unemployed was difficult for me.  My life had little structure and I had little to no self worth.  I woke up early with L.  every morning to see her off to work and to get my day started.  I spent my time trying to work out, swim, apply for jobs and watching DVRed Rangers games.  And I also spent time putting together a business plan for a boxing gym.  I wanted to open a boxing gym near a college campus, where you would have a never ending influx of new customers trying to stay in shape.  I feel like working out is important for health and confidence, and what better way to spend your working hours than working out and helping others work out.  Makes a lot of sense.  Again, the problem arose of getting a business loan.

#111 Personal Post 1

Not sure why, but I have avoided personal posts throughout my years (yes, it has been years) of writing on this thing.  Not sure this was done on purpose, but here goes my first attempt at a personal post:

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a mole on my scalp that is almost the size of a dime.  It was difficult to see through my hair, but I could tell there was something going on that needed to be checked out.  Made a doctor's appointment with a dermatologist to check out the mole and confirm that everything was A-OK.  The appointment was yesterday.

I specifically chose a female dermatologist because I have learned throughout my years that women can find anything, while men cannot find a damn thing.  Dr. A entered the room, read through my chart and said, "so, we are going to do a general check up to make sure you don't have any questionable moles?"  I nod.  She then said, "Would you like for me to look below your pants?"  

I was sort of confused by the wording, but understood enough that she was asking me how thorough I wanted this check up to be.  I hesitated.  I was not expecting this question.  In the moment I figured it would be smart to check my entire body, lest I don't mind ignoring testicular cancer.  I said, "Sure.  Let's go below my pants."

She produced a long piece of paper that felt more like a paper towel than actual paper.  She asked me to strip down and cover myself with the paper.  I did so and learned that I could not sit down without potentially tearing my paper towel skirt.  She asked me if there was a particular mole that motivated me to make the appointment.  I told her my scalp and showed here where the dime mole was.  She used a little device to check it out and then proceeded to scour my entire head for more moles.  She checked my neck, my face, my shoulders, my arms, my chest, my back, my stomach...all the while saying things like, "here's another one, but the pigments look fine" and "here's a tiny one that is perfectly symmetrical.  Nothing to worry about here."  

And then she got to the waist, where my right hand held the paper against my hip as if I had just gotten out of the shower.  She said, "Let's have a look, shall we?"  Without hesitation or regret, I dropped the paper towel and stood there in the middle of the room completely naked.

Here is where the personal part of the story comes into play.  I am comfortable with my body.  I have no issues with me physically...which is to say, I am happy and confident with the largeness of my penis.  I dropped the paper towel and was in no way concerned about what Dr. A was about to contend with.  

And then I looked down.  The timid dingaling hanging there was NOT the thing I wake up to every morning, NOT the thing I shower with every evening, and NOT the thing I play with every chance I get.  I was blindsided by this imposter johnson, shriveled and tucked away like a scared turtle.  I was not sure what to do.  I thought about Costanza pleading that there was shrinkage after he swam in the cold ocean.  I considered slapping him around to wake him up.  I wondered if I should try and think about women in bikinis dancing around, but then quickly shot that idea down so as not to cause a problem in the other direction.  

Ultimately,  I did nothing.  I stood there and waited for it to be over.  I shook my head slowly and thought about the stern talking to he was going to get once the appointment was over.  Dr. A finished and told me I could get dressed.  She said everything looked great and that my skin looked healthy.  "Thanks," I muttered, still confused at what had just happened.

I wish I had a moral for you.  My first instinct would be not to go below the pants.  My second instinct would be to have the stern talking to right before the dermatologist appointment, but I'm not convinced that would do any good either.  My third instinct would be to take viagra before going, but I am not sure wasting a viagra is the right answer.  I think the best thing to do is to write your first personal blog post about the whole thing...

#110 School Reform

Talked with 2 teachers recently about a terrible problem plaguing American high school classrooms.  Young students cannot seem to exist within their school environment without earbuds dangling from the ear holes.  Teachers demand they take them out and the student will reply, "but teacher, I don't even have music on?  Why must I take them out!"

Obviously high school kids are annoying.  But are they more annoying now than we were growing up?  I am trying to think back on the things we did that annoyed the adults during our generation.  Here is what  I came up with:

• Wore hats backward.  Not sure when this became a thing, but I remember my dad getting mad when I wore my hat backward.  He argued that the bill was designed to keep the sun out of your eyes, and by wearing the thing backwards you were making it useless.
• Wearing hats in school in general.  Not sure if students today are allowed to wear hats at school, but I remember we were not, and so often we tried to get away with wearing them when we were not supposed to.
• Jams.  We wore jams and my parents thought the loud, colorful, loose fitting shorts looked completely stupid and unprofessional.  I am sad that jams have not made a comeback.  I would totally wear them now.
• In elementary school there was a 2-3 year period where all kids wore the plastic bracelets that could be interwoven together to form different shapes.  This was pretty much in direct response to Madonna, if I remember correctly.
• I did not do this, but I remember several groups of students who wore their jeans inside out, causing their pockets to flop around at their sides.  Also, several kids wore their jackets backwards (thanks to Criss Cross).  
• We said "sike" all the time to negate anything said just before.  This was our way of being tricky and ultimately led to never being able to believe anything we say, because you just waited for "sike" to be included at the end.  For instance, a kid might say, "Yeah, I talked to her about you and she says she likes you, man. Sike!"
• This was not a thing with our generation, but it was something that me, Chris and Dugat enjoyed.  We bought 25 cent fake tattoos from CiCi's pizza and would wear them on our fore arm.  They were the different looney tune characters.  If you were lucky enough to pull a Daffy Duck, you pretty much had the coolest fake tattoo for the next two weeks.
• Craig and his group of friends shaved their heads (I think it was an athlete thing, but I am not certain of this).  All the parents HATED it, and if I remember correctly, Craig had a shaved head for several years in high school.  
• While Craig was shaving his head, the rest of us were trying to grow our hair out long.  This is not a generational thing, as it has and probably always will be a thing.  Looking back at old pictures makes me laugh because we did not look good with long hair.  
• I grew up in the time of the scrunchy.  Pretty much all girls wore scrunchies.  I sometimes hear girls joke about scrunchies nowadays and laugh at how many scrunchies they once owned.  I thought they looked good back then and I am pretty sure they would look good now.  I got no problem with the scrunchy.
• Jean shorts were big when I was in high school.  I did not like them, but I was definitely in the minority.
• Doc Martens were also popular when I was growing up.  I had two pair, one black and one brown.  I didn't wear them with shorts like a lot of kids did.  I still have the brown pair and will wear them occasionally.  They are one of the most comfortable pair of shoes I got.
• While in junior high, most of the boys played the "2 for flinching" game.  Does that game still exist?  Pretty sure no game was responsible for more fights in Junior High than "2 for Flinching".
• Again, not really a thing, but I bought fuzzy dice for all my friends when they turned 16.  Chris did not like them because they impeded his vision.  He was the only smart one of our group.

#109 No One Likes Youth

My last post focused on a few negatives of aging.  This time, I would like to talk a little about youth.  Last week at lunch I talked with coworkers about movies.  I made a comment about how comedies coming out today seem to gravitate toward raunchiness, not like in the old days when Steve Martin and Tom Hanks made thoughtful, wholesome comedies.  A young person at the table scoffed and said, "Tom Hanks doesn't make comedies.  He only makes serious movies."  Got me thinking about the things young people do that annoy me...making me feel very happy to be aging!

• Movies:  I think this one is and always will be tough for me.  I work with several young people who have not seen any movies.  And I cannot wrap my head around it.  I have noticed that it is mainly girls who have this problem but I am not sure if this is because girls have this issue more often than boys, or if I only work with girls, so I am only seeing the young girls who have not seen any movies.  But, how can someone in this world grow up not having seen or even heard of movies such as: Bill & Teds (both their excellent adventure and their bogus journey), SpaceBalls, Dances With Wolves, Big, Harry and the Hendersons, Scrooged, Good Will Hunting, Robin Hood (Disney Animated Version), Lonseome Dove, The Goonies, Bull Durham, Spies Like Us, Weird Science, The Neverending Story
• Vocabulary.  Young people shorten every word for some reason: Totes, Obvi, Bullsh, Bougiee
• No attention span: I listen to stories all day long that completely change course mid story and no one has trouble following along except for me.  For instance, a young girl walked into the kitchen and started a story with the phrase "I can't believe I wore a white shirt the same day I brought pasta and red sauce...and ended the story with I almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty" (Even though LSU is in Baton Rouge).  Without pausing she said she couldn't believe she wore a white shirt the same day she brought pasta and red sauce because she she is a messy eater, especially with pasta red sauce because she likes extra sauce because that is where the flavor is, and when she made this one last night she used paprika which she normally doesn't use but she went to Cafe Brazil recently who used Paprika on something but she can't remember what it was, and she often likes to get Brazilian food, even though Cafe Brazil has no Brazilian food and she tires of Fogo De Ciao, but there is a surprisingly good steakhouse in Lubbock even though there were no Brazilian food restaurants in Lubbock, because it is a college town and she liked college even though she applied to OU and Tech, but they are essentially the same type of school with lots of country boys, but she almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty.  I seriously can't keep up.
• Using too many letters at the end of words when typing emails or facebook: wayyyyyyyy cool, love themm, heyyy, have funnn, move arounddd, moving todayyy - all examples taken from facebook
• Many young people I talk to have never heard of music from any other time period.  This includes 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's.  I ask if they like music and they say yes, very much.  I then ask what they listen to and they cannot give me a straight answer.  A girl sitting close to me said she listens to everything and different stuff.  I asked for her favorite artists and she could not give me one.  Instead she told me a handful of songs she likes.  Its like once the internet happened, people cannot waste time listening to an actual album.  
• Complete disregard for sensibility, followed by complaining:  This one is complex and I see it in many forms.  I see it most with food.  The girls I have worked with will skip lunch because they are "too busy" and then be completely starving at 2p, so much so that they have to get something fast, so they walk to a nearby restaurant where they order a sandwich and cookie and bring it back to the office.  They will sit the sandwich down near their computer because they have so much work and they won't eat it.  The sandwich gets too soggy for them to eat (after 15 minutes it is too soggy) and so they throw it away, eat the cookie and then at 3:30 they are starving again.  At this point they go to starbucks for marble cake and a latte, or they go to the basement and get a candy bar.  Throughout the day they complain about always being hungry and about how they always seem to gain weight.  
• The higher pitched trailing off of syllables often attributed to Valley Girl style speaking.  This has been happening for decades, and is usually attributed to high schoo/college age girls.  However, I would like to say that I hear this in the work place from boys and girls over the age of 25.  Also, I watch a show on HBO called Vice, which is a documentary style show.  The young guy interviewing a Korean National trying to escape the oppression of her country (which for her was being sold as a sex slave) spoke just like a high school valley girl.  I don't understand this.    

#108 No One Likes Aging!

When thinking about aging, I  have typically confined my perspectives to behavior.  I recognized that I preferred staying in on the weekends or that I worried about how manicured my lawn looked.  Or I saw the crap on TV and wondered how anyone could receive any enjoyment watching shows that have the Kardashians, or a bunch of hillbillies searching for bigfoot by cooking bacon in the woods.  These minor shifts in behavior made me feel older.  However, recently I have begun thinking about the physical manifestation of aging.  Following is a short list of things things I do differently because of aging.  Forces me to wonder what I am missing:

• Try to put moisturizer directly on my crow's feet, which have become ferociously out of hand as I have gotten older
• I now take vitamins.  I play soccer with an older guy (together we are easily the two oldest on the field at any given time.  We sometimes joke about playing with the kids out there and he told me that he is able to keep up because of vitamins.  Sounds good to me...
• I try to drink milk now on a regular basis.  Similar to the above, I noticed after soccer games that my foot hurt and would not heal.  For awhile I thought it was a bruised bone that was not healing fast enough.  My goal was to get more Vitamin D because I remember mom telling me to drink milk because it was good for my bones.  Not sure if this holds true for the aging as well as the growing, but it certainly couldn't hurt.
• I have to get up at least once, sometimes twice, each night to go to the bathroom.  Not sure why this is happening, but I suppose it is better than peeing in bed.
• I have to stretch for about half an hour before I do anything athletic.  Otherwise, I can't move the next day.  It is the most boring half hour of my life, as I do not like stretching.  
• I eat oatmeal every morning because a doctor once told me that eating oatmeal helps lower cholesterol.  And I know that japanese are genetically predisposed to high cholesterol.
• My hair is definitely starting to thin.  I do not do anything specific for this, as I am not sure there is anything to do.  I keep my hair short and just don't worry about it.
• Ridiculous amounts of hair on my ears.  I feel like Yoda.  Amazes me, as I do not understand why this is happening.  Why is it necessary for me to have 24 really long hairs on the outside of my ears?  They do not keep me warm, they do not detect anything as I move about.  They certainly don't make me any more attractive.  And it hurts when I have to pull them out!

#107 Addictive Personality

I have an addictive personality that causes me to fall in love with so many things, to think about them, to crave them,  and ultimately include them in my every day life.  Growing up, this had the very real potential of causing me serious harm.  Luckily, I had Chris there to keep my addictive behavior in check as it pertained to the more dangerous of substances.  Following is a quick catalog of past addictions.  I am sure I am leaving many things out, but this is what I can remember off the top of my head.

• The first addiction I can remember was the Drumstick ice cream cone.  In elementary school you could buy a drumstick by bringing a quarter to your teacher at the beginning of the day.  For the most part, I remembered my quarter.  Occasionally my mom and I would forget, and these truly were the worst days of all.
• Around the same time my mom introduced Little Debbie Snacks.  I enjoyed many Little Debbie Addictions, including but not limited to:  Nutter Bars, Swiss Cake Rolls, Star Crunches, Oatmeal Cream Pies, Ding Dongs
• Baseball cards.  The first two baseball cards I ever got were from The Market Place in Houston.  Chris's mother took a group of us up there and because I did not have any money she bought me a Bo Jackson rookie (donruss) and a Mark McGuire rookie (tops).  I think I still have them.  That started a 2 year craze where I bought and traded thousands of baseball cards.  Most of them have been stolen by family members or friends of family members. 
• In junior high I would see my dad over weekends, and for the first couple of years he lived in a 1 room efficiency apartment (because it was the cheapest possible rent out there).  For lunch we went to Burger King where I ordered a double cheeseburger.  It was the perfect sandwich because it only came with mustard, ketchup and pickles...the three things I liked on a burger.  And it came with 2 patties.  It was glorious. 
• To stay within the fast food genre for a second longer, in high school Taco Bell came out with the Double Decker Taco.  The commercials had Hakeem and Shaq.  I still crave Double Decker Tacos sometimes, though I rarely eat fast food.
• In high school Chris introduced me to Symphony Chocolate with Toffee.  On weekends we would rent movies and buy a gigantic bar and eat it until we felt sick.  Recently, I have been craving dark chocolate again.  Every day, in fact, over the last 2 years.  L. and I have been exploring different dark chocolates.  My favorites so far include an Espresso Dark Chocolate, A Dark Chocolate with Peppers and Pop Rocks senstation (can't remember the name), and a sea salt dark chocolate with ginger wasabi.  
• In college, I learned of 3 margarita recipes.  1 came from Craig's waiting experience at Don Julios (or some other such restaurant), 1 came from Craig's step-mom, and 1 came from the ninfarita.  I morphed them all into what became known as The Dirty Margarita.  For awhile I craved margaritas all the time, and I definitely loved Dirty Margarita nights!
• Jackie Ala Berry.  I ate so much ala berry fajitas in my 3 years of working at Ninfa's.  Not a healthy way to live at all.  Best fajitas I've ever had and I will  go out of my way to head back to Ninfa's in Waco to get eat them.
• Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy's.  I went through a period of time where I ate at least 4 of these per week.  One might think I would tire of this sandwich after a couple of weeks.  I did not.  And will not.  I could go for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich right now!
• About 3 years ago Beverly introduced me to Rosemary Balsamic Vinegarette (Drew's) by providing it in my annual Christmas Basket.  I have poured this dressing on my daily salad ever since.
• Never been much of a beer drinker.  That is until I was introduced to Ten Fidy, which is an Imperial Stout from Oscar Blues Brewery.  So delicious that I often find myself thinking about stouts.  And when that happens I go home and drink one.  This happens often.
• I am addictive to guitar shopping.  The strange thing is, I am not addicted to guitar buying.  Only guitar shopping.  I own a Fender Telecaster Deluxe 72 series and am not interested in owning another guitar.  First of all, I do not get enough guitar time to warrant a second guitar.  Second of all, I still love the sound of the one I have.  However, I enjoy looking through the catalogs that come to my house, and I often find myself online researching and looking for deals on different guitars, amplifiers and effects pedals.  Again, I am not interested in buying anything...just addicted to the shopping.
• I cannot stop thinking of Game of Thrones.  Not sure if this really counts as an addiction, or if it is simply pure love.  But I watch the shows (usually more than once), I am reading the books, and now I get to watch some dudes weird cartoon version they post on the internet.  And I cannot seem to get enough!
• Most recently I have become addictive to listening to and searching for old Vinyl records.  I realize this is a senseless addiction.  But I cannot help it.  I like the idea of finding an old record (I know a guy who spends most of his time going to different garage sells searching for Vinyls.  I check in with him every so often to see what new records he's stumbled upon).  I like thinking of some kid in the 70s who bought listened to a Styx album while dreaming to be a rock star (or broadway musical star, if he was listening to Styx).  It is very strange, but I have become addicted.  

#106 Elevator Fall

I could probably sue someone and make some money!  In the morning I must ride a series of elevators to make it to my floor.  It is a confusing process, but one that I have perfected without even having to look up from my phone, where I spend my normal elevator time playing Chess With Friends.  This morning, however, I learned a valuable lesson.  I learned that I cannot take elevator rides for granted anymore.

Like most people who ride the elevator, I expect it to stop at the correct floor when I push the desired button.  And like most people, I expect the elevator to align perfectly with the floor I am arriving to.  This morning, I was on my phone contemplating a killer move when the elevator door opened for my floor.  Without looking I stepped off of the elevator and felt the unexpected 1 foot free fall that happens when the elevator stops 1 foot higher than the actual floor.  Miraculously I did not throw my phone.  But I did, however, fall to the ground completely discombobulated (is that a word?) by the craziness of the unexpected drop.

So what did I learn?  Probably nothing.  I just hope next time I do not break my leg.

#105 I'm The Stair Master

Things at work have not been great over the past year.  Things degraded to such a degree that I began looking for other opportunities a couple of weeks ago.  Luck and timing worked in my favor, and I discovered an open position for a well-known agency within the same building I currently work in.  They received my resume and a few short hours later called me for an interview.  

They scheduled my first interview for 10am.  I called in sick to my current employer and did not worry too much they were in the same building.  That is until I learned I must use the same elevator bank to reach the interview as the agency I currently work for.  I walked cautiously to the elevators and was happy to see no one waiting.  I pushed the button and got on without running into a single person.  I reached the floor without incident and proceeded to have a strong interview.

The interview lasted more than 3 hours, getting done just after 1:30.  As I waited for the elevator to take me down, I realized that it was lunchtime, and that 90% of the agency eats between 12:30 and 1:30, meaning there was a good chance I would run into someone if I stepped on the elevator.  I would be a sitting duck with no way to hide.  The elevator door opened and I stood on the edge wondering what I should do.  The doors closed and I decided that the only way to be 100% sure was to take the stairs.  

So that is what I did.  I took the stairs.  All 26 flights of them!  The next day I could barely walk for the pains in both of my calves.  I sort of hobbled around and when people asked me what was wrong I told them I played in a rough soccer game.  Part of me feels like I did the right thing, since I guaranteed not to run into someone who could potentially catch me interviewing for another job.  Part of me, however, feels I am too paranoid and should have simply done my thing.  Confidence and common sense are strange things that wax and wane due to various factors.  The factors that led to my interview led me to walk down 26 flights of stairs... and one week later to accepting a new job! 

#104 2012 Year In Review

Another year down, another year in review to be completed.  Don't need to get too fancy with this, as I am pretty sure all of these things also appear in pics on facebook.  However, I like to do this every year so I am going to continue...

* Of course, Stephen and Erin getting engaged!  The only negative about this was the number of times I had to hear people in our family fawn over how beautiful and awesome Erin is, and how lucky Stephen is, and how lucky the family is!!!  What about me?  Aren't I beautiful, awesome and lucky?

* Having a turban tied around my head by an Indian on a cell phone.  The man showed up late and had less than 3 minutes to tie 5 turbans before the Indian wedding began.  He made it, but mine was so tight that I got dizzy.

* Recording good music in the spare bedroom.  My recording process and skill took steps forward this year, and L. sang to one of the songs.  Sounded so good.

* Seeing Justin get married in California.  I always knew he would marry someone special, and I was right.

* Seeing the Taj Mahal in person.  It was amazing!  And really crowded.  And the bathrooms weren't all that nice.  But the thing was so awe-inspiring it was difficult to look away.

* Meeting the drummer for Better Than Ezra.  I wouldn't stop talking about how he was the best musician on the stage, and then when we got to meet him I was ecstatic.

* Hanging out with Haddiebug.  She is a cutie with the biggest cheeks ever.

* Winning an Ipad at the Christmas party.

* Seeing Eddie Vedder with Stephen.  I wanted to buy a poster, but they cost $70 and I did not want to pay that much.  So I didn't.  But they were really cool... The next day after the concert I had the worst hangover of the year.  Or at least the worst hangover that I had to deal with at work.

* Riding on an elephant and camel within the same week.  I asked the guy our camel's name but cannot remember it.  All I know is it looked a little like L.

* Going to India for Lindsy and Abhijit's wedding.  An amazing experience that was definitely once in a lifetime.

* Buying more than 70 vinyl's at a garage sale at 7a in the morning when I didn't even have a record player.

* Midnight swimming after a wedding in San Antonio.

* Officially adopting my first English Premier League team.  With Stephen's help, I am now an Arsenal fan.  It's official because I bought a poster.

* Joining the Dallas Area Writer's Group and at my first meeting realizing that I was the youngest member by 25 years, at least.  I still plan to finish my novel this year, which ought to be a fun challenge.

* Surfing off the coast of Costa Rica with 3 of my favorite people, 2 of which got hurt by their surf boards.

* Rappelling down a Costa Rican waterfall.  Once I got to the bottom L. ran over to me and asked if there were waterfalls in Texas.

* White water rafting and L. losing her oar on the first set of rapids we encountered.  Later that day I ate the tastiest piece of pineapple the planet had ever seen.

* The previous 3 reminded me of Begotes!  Must include Begotes, even though he did not smell very good.

* Spent a week trying to paint, stain and distress a baker's cart to make it look cool.  I was mildly successful.

* Watching MIB3 on the plane and L. laughing so loudly that the woman next to her jumped and spilled her drink all over herself.

* On the same flight L. told me she could not sleep because of the constant mumbling of the man two seats over.  She did an impersonation.  A couple of hours later while waiting in line for the bathroom I heard the guy mumbling.  L. was so right on with her impersonation, it was scary.  Makes me worried that her impersonation of me is that spot on.  If so, I sound like a freakin' idiot.

* Playing music with Mike, Nathan and Deseree.  We played in a mosquito garage, but the music was good!

* Mowing over the outdoor faucet and causing water to gush all over the front yard like a geyser.

* Stephen joining our soccer team, and on one of the last games of the season he attacked the goal and threw it to the ground.  Everyone on the team thought he was mad at them.  I had to assure them he was mad at himself.  Later that night he texted me, "Remember when I threw the goal upside down?"  Also, together we scored the most beautiful goal.  It was a set piece where Stephen chipped the ball in front of the goal.  The ball met me in stride as I attacked the back post where I headed it into the back of the net.  Truly a beautiful play that must be remembered.

#103 2013 New Year's Resolutions

The following includes how I hope to be a better husband, son, brother, friend, employee, musician, writer, and father for 2013!

* I will limit the number of boring movies I make my wife watch.  This includes music/sports documentaries, even though they are NOT boring at all.

* I will NOT limit the number of sporting events I watch with my puppy.  She loves sports and I vow to make sure she gets to watch more games on the big screen this year.

* I hope to get the mail more often this year and not misplace it where my wife cannot find it.

* I will not lose my sunglasses!

* I will take Polly to the dog park twice as much this year.  So, I guess that means we will have to go at least 4 times.  But I'd like to go more than that.

* I will not occupy as many photo booths in 2013.  Not sure what the wife will think of this.

* I will try and not play Chess With Friends while we are watching girly movies or driving somewhere in the car.

* I will not spend more than $70 this year on Vinyls that I do not need and probably will not listen to.

* I will pick up each cat at least once per week.  For some reason they love when I pick them up.

* I hope to lessen the number of times I try and unsuccessfully sneak a fart while in the living room.  Not sure if this means I am only lessening the number of unsuccessful times, or if I am lessening the number of times I try, but either way I will do my best.

* I will not ignore the calls I receive from Tomoko Komori, even though we do not speak the same language and the calls last longer than 20 minutes of her repeating Japanese and me repeatedly saying, "Sorry, I don't know what you are saying to me..."

* I will try and not purposefully annoy my wife.  That is so hard because I enjoy annoying her so much...

* I will not hurt my foot playing soccer.  I just won't this year!

* I'm going to take Cody to at least 1 movie this year.

* When I cook dinner I will try and not resort to the 1 of 3 things I know how to make comfortably.

* I will try and only have 1 night in 2013 dedicated to showing my wife how great the band Rush is!  I repeat, I will TRY.

* I will try and limit the number of chocolates I eat from the candy bowl in our lobby.  It is hard because Ruthie buys the good candy.

* I will limit the number of raunchy bathroom posts I write on my blog.

* I will not throw a hissy fit when one of my sprinkler heads breaks.  I will simply dig up the broken sprinkler and replace it.

#102 Vedder

Erin bought Stephen and I tickets to the Eddie Vedder concert (Stephen's Valentine's Day present) that took place in Dallas last Thursday.  The concert was originally scheduled for April, but Eddie suffered a shoulder injury that required surgery and he was unable to play.  Eddie Vedder is a personal hero of mine, so needless to say I was extremely excited about the show.

Something funny to note:  Originally, the concert was set for April, and Stephen received the tickets in February.  A couple of months passed and one night I was watching TV with L.  and I noticed that it was already May.  I yelled, "SHIT!!!  I missed Eddie Vedder!  What the F... was I thinking!!!"
 
I called Stephen to tell him the horrible news and he calmly said, "We didn't miss the show.  It got postponed for November."

Obviously, I was relieved to hear this.  Seven months went by and L. and I were once again watching TV.  Out of nowhere she suddenly yelled, "OH MY GOD, when is the Vedder concert!?"  I looked at my phone and realized it was already November.  I yelled, "SHIT!  Who misses the Eddie Vedder concert TWICE!!!"

This time L. looked online and discovered that the show was four days away.  I decided to set four alarms, 1 for each day, so that I would not miss the concert a third time.

The day of the concert arrived.  I brought to work a compilation CD of music I thought Vedder might play so that I could get familiar with his acoustic/ukelele songs I did not know so well.  In my morning status meeting I informed the people I work with that I was leaving promptly at 5p to see Eddie Vedder at Fair Park.  I work will all girls, and 5 out of the 6 of these girls looked at me quizzically and said, "Who is Eddie Vedder?" I wasn't sure if this was a joke or not.  The girls I work with range in age from early twenties to early thirties.  I am thirty five years old and am definitely older than the people I work with.  However, I did not think me so old that the dominate American cultural influence in my life could be completely unknown to an entire team of young workers.

I was wrong.

I feel like I am an old man holding on to the important things from my youth.  I feel crotchety.  I feel like the kids of today have no idea.  I feel like the people I work with are unaware of something seriously significant. And I feel like there is little I can do!

I went to the show and was impressed with the performance.  Vedder still has it, and I felt privileged to be in the same room as him.  I drank a lot of scotch.  And when the show ended I spent 3 hours burning every relevant Pearl Jam song for the 7 coworkers who had no idea who Vedder or Pearl Jam was!

Thank you so much, Erin!  It was truly a special night.  

#101 A Problem

I teach a college level class each semester at a community college here in Dallas.  I arrived to the classroom early this past Saturday in order to set up and I discovered the following poster on the wall:

This is a "Student Participation Chart" that is lower budget looking than what I remember seeing in elementary school.  I do not like criticizing a fellow professor, but any student seeing this on the wall will fail to take this class or professor seriously.  Engaging your class is at the heart of what it means to be a teacher.  This simply is not going to cut it.  

And we wonder why we as a society have unemployment issues. 

After reading through this, I feel sort of bad for calling this out.  Is this because I am too nice of a person?  Because I feel like this should make everyone mad.